Now, I don’t know if this new year will truly mark the end of anything, nor the beginning of anything else. But since I am a hardcore optimist at heart, I find myself expecting some kind of 2013 to be revealed a year from now, once 2012 has unspooled itself onto the cutting room floor of history.

So life goes on – or it may do. Because if it doesn’t, then what the hell, none of this mattered anyway, did it?

More About 2011

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been posting for some time. In fact, I’ve been on a bit of a sabbatical since May of this year. After a solid ten years of writing about self-help and motivation, I just got bored with it and took some time off for myself.

This year has been something of an experiment for me. In my last post, back on May 21st (Discipline – The Unpopular Side of Self Help), I showed you a tiny little form I had started to use for keeping track of my “confidence work.” It’s a simple little table with one cell for each day of the year. And at the time of that posting I’d already spent better than four months with it – a third of a year.

Now this year is ending, and I’d like to share with you what I’ve been doing during my time off.

I may not have been writing but I was still trying stuff on myself, which is where it actually counts. In my last report, I was still using brainwave entrainment recordings that combined both alpha-wave (or deeper) sounds with positive suggestions for personality change.

I mainly used three different recording sets. One was the Quantum Confidence set (the so-called Morry Method).

The second was the EmBRACES Belief Entrainment System by Alan Tutt.

And the third was an isochronic recording at five beats per second with a bit of pink noise overlaid. I made this one myself and supplied my own suggestions live during each session. You can download a copy of this recording here if you’d like to give it a try.

Each of these approaches has strong points. In both Morry Zelcovitch’s Quantum Confidence recordings and the EmBRACES recordings from Alan Tutt, there are two separate tracks, with differing suggestions for the left and right ears, plus a third “center track” with still more suggestions.

Listening to these is quite confusing at first. The conscious mind just can’t adequately handle all that relentless input, which leaves the subconscious mind free to listen and absorb without the usual meddling and monitoring of the conscious mind. That’s the theory, anyway, and in my experience it seems to have a good deal of validity.

A word about Alan’s EmBRACES set. It’s massive, and there’s a good reason for that. Alan did extensive testing with something like 150 test subjects, and he found that the more variety there was in the recordings, the more effective the suggestions seemed to be. The only downside to this is that you won’t know what to try first. Honestly – it doesn’t matter. Just dive in. You’ll figure it out as you go.

So, being a compulsive over-deliverer, he set out to give his users all the variety and choice they could ever ask for… and more. I’m talking 360 MP3 recordings in 10 modules – nearly 160 HOURS of material.

You know how, after you’ve used a set of recordings for a while, boredom can begin to set in? Well, that’s much, much less likely to happen here. According to my calculations, boredom won’t be a factor until you’ve been using the set for about 987 years – or longer. You can find out more about Alan’s EmBRACES here.

Now… back to my self-help efforts.

How Persistent Was I?

Instead of telling, let me just show you.

As you can see from the varying colored dots, I experimented with a few different things during the year. Took a few weeks off here and there (more a result of laziness than design.) On the other hand, I spent a 4-week period beginning in mid-September doing four sessions a day. That was a bit much, so after a month I rested a bit then dropped back to the usual two-a-day.

Results

Some objectives, like confidence or leadership, are pretty hard to quantify, especially if you’re self-rating the results. There’ll be days when you’re sure you’ve become a superstar. Other days you’ll wonder if you’re ever going to make any progress.

It’s normal to have ups and downs.

So in the interests of minimizing subjectivity, here are some specific, measurable things that have happened during the past year.

1. I got a call – out of the blue – asking if I’d like to become the M.C. for the Expat Club meetings. The man who had been doing an outstanding job for three years had decided to move on to other activities, and would I be interested? The Expat Club has around 500-600 members overall, but not all are in-country at any one time. Attendance at the meetings varies from around 70 in the low season to upwards of 150 in the high season. I accepted the job and have been having a ball running the monthly meetings.

2. Several writers living here in Thailand have asked me to format their books and get them Amazon-ready. Some were for paperback publishing, and others were for Kindle ebooks. I found that this was not only easy for me, it was actually fun. This led me to start a new service business website MisterEbook.com, where I accept ebook formatting for authors who would rather be writing instead of getting all tied up in the techie stuff. This site is still new, so I don’t have consistent performance data to share yet.

3. In July I had an operation – an angioplasty – to clear some blockage in a coronary artery. Now, was this a negative thing? Or was it a positive step to correct something that I had previously allowed to become negative? Not sure, but I thought I should lay it out and let you decide for yourself. At any rate, I’m still alive and kicking, much to my delight.

4. Because of back injuries when I was young, back pain, cramps and rigid muscles had been a problem for years. This year, I took measures to change that. Twice a week I do go for Thai massage, which if done properly, can free up tight, locked muscles. So morning backache and occasional bouts of my back “going out” have disappeared. Next month I turn sixty-nine, and my back feels better than it has for thirty years. (Now I’m starting to sound like an old geezer, aren’t I?)

5. This one is more subjective and a bit difficult to put into words. However, for what it’s worth, here it is: During the past year I’ve begun noticing that people treat me with more deference and respect than before. This amazes me because, in groups I have usually felt like the wallpaper. Other people sparkled, not me. And when meeting new people, I was just one of the faces. Now when I meet folks, or sit in on a new group, I’m treated like a visiting dignitary. On the one hand, this is flattering, but on the other hand, it’s a bit unsettling. I’ve always tried to avoid being an ego-driven kind of guy, so while it’s pleasant, it puts me on my guard to not let myself get swept away by approval.

Anyway, these are some of the results I’ve noticed after working on my confidence fairly consistently for one year.

Try This at Home, Boys and Girls

I fully intend to continue these efforts in the new year, and if you’d also like to track your own efforts, here’s a chart ready for you to use.

To download your copy, right click on the image, or right click here and save as “2012 Meditation Record” on your computer.

Once you’ve downloaded it, trim it down and tape it somewhere that you’ll see it every day, or keep it on a clipboard, ready to use at any time.

The only thing to avoid is – don’t lay it down on a flat surface. If you do that, it’ll soon be covered up and forgotten. Once a tracking instrument like this goes onto a horizontal surface, it’s useless. Just put it where nothing else can get piled on top of it, and it’ll keep reminding you of your intentions.

Then, next year, I hope you’ll report back and let me know what you’ve been working on and the results you’ve seen.

Cheers from the end of 2011,
Charles

P.S. If you’ve been using the 2011 form that I posted back in May, tell me what results you’ve been getting. No results? Then tell me that too.

How do you keep your mind from getting all swept up in the storms of daily drama and upset that rage all around you? Is it even possible in today’s frantic, ultra-busy world? Well, actually it is possible. But it takes a little training, a little practice, and a little perseverance.

Today’s article presents five simple tips for getting calm and staying that way, no matter what outrageous nonsense is going on around you. I don’t know who the author is – I recently found it buried in a pile of articles I downloaded some time ago, but it’s excellent. So, even though I don’t know who authored this advice, I pass it along to you for the simple, commonsense suggestions it gives.

5 Zen Tips to Calm Down Easily

Calmness is easy. Even better, it can be achieved quickly. No matter what is happening around us, we never have to become trapped in stress or anxiety. It’s important to learn how to calm down quickly as negative emotions can easily become addictive. The longer we hold onto them, the harder it can be to let go.

The ancient practice of Zen offers many pathways to becoming free of negativity. By using simple Zen principles and value-centered counseling, you can take enjoyable and effective steps to calming down, feeling good about yourself and finding that peaceful place in the storm.

Calmness Tip 1. Open The Treasure House Within

In Zen students are told: “Open the treasure house within.” This is a reminder that we are all endowed with many resources hidden within. In order to access our innate abilities, we must stop looking everywhere else and forget about depending upon others. Instead, we are told to spend time each day taking responsibility for what’s going on inside. We turn our attention within, discover who we truly are and stop rejecting ourselves and others. As we do this, we begin to open the treasure house within.

Calmness Tip 2. Pay Attention

We are what we think about. When we stay fixated on one person, thought or situation, it is easy to become caught in the grip of self centered, obsessive thoughts. The more we pay attention to that which is negative or upsetting, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted easily.

Take control of your attention and what you’re focusing upon. Spend time each day developing concentration. This is also called meditation (or zazen).

Sit with a straight back, do not move, lightly focus your attention on your natural breath. Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them, but do not let them grab your attention away. (At first you may be besieged by many surprising thoughts and feelings, but if you simply notice them and then return your attention to your breathing, these will soon die down). Count your breaths from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By not moving we are stopping what is called the monkey mind.

Calmness Tip 3. Stop The Monkey Mind

The monkey mind is the mind that jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, criticism and sabotage of our lives. It is the part of ourselves which causes sorrow and fear. By taking charge of our focus, by not paying attention to or responding to the many negativities the monkey mind throws our way, we become balanced and calm. As we do this regularly, we are no longer carried away by passing feelings and thoughts. Instead, we discover a peaceful place in the storm to which we can always return for comfort and strength.

Calmness Tip 4. Focus on Strengths not Weaknesses

As we focus upon our strengths, rather than our weaknesses, little by little the fear, anger and depression fade. Rather than struggle with problems, we learn to become available to solutions. This is accomplished by working with focus.

The question we always keep before us is: What am I focusing on this moment? Am I dwelling on problems or open to solutions and new ideas? Am I aware of where I am right at this moment, or lost somewhere in a dream? Am I grateful for what I have, or dwelling upon the wrongs I think others have done me?

Life continually renews and confronts us with new tasks, challenges, opportunities and solutions, day after day. Are we in touch with this ever-flowing reality? Are we focusing on the gifts we are always receiving, and ways we can give back to others as well? By choosing to take charge of our focus we dissolve the primary cause of our suffering – a monkey mind that has run wild.

Calmness Tip 5. Take Constructive Action

Once we take charge of our focus, we place it upon what we are receiving, what we have to be grateful for. Then it is easy to take the next step and naturally become aware of what others need from us, what we have to offer, how we can give back. Then we do it. We take action. We do not hesitate. We focus upon simple, daily actions, which are constructive for ourselves and others.

We spend some time each day doing “deeds of service”, finding ways we can give to others, make their days easier and happier. As we focus upon giving and encouraging others, a strange thing happens – our personal anxiety vanishes, and we, ourselves, become filled with joy. Before long, we become filled with something even more important than joy – self respect.

A primary source of stress and anxiety is low self esteem; feeling badly about ourselves. The most powerful way to get rid of this is to have a healthy dose of self respect. When we fill our lives with constructive actions, self worth develops naturally. It does not come about through artificially boosting self esteem, but as a result of living a life worthy of respect. In this manner we grow able to handle any situation life presents us with.

When we are able to do that, not only do we calm down easily, but we enjoy all aspects of our days. We feel like life is a gift we are receiving; and we become a gift to life as well, even as we enjoy the untroubled feelings of calmness.

Of course, when you’re first beginning, it can seem unfamiliar and hard to concentrate. But here’s a way to help you achieve calmness very simply and quickly. This is an exceptional set of CDs that could possibly speed up your progress dramatically, and help you reach calmness much faster than trying to do it on your own.

Download audio file (5-tips-for-calmness.mp3)

Recently I mentioned the following quote from a book called Bring Me the Rhinoceros.

Happiness requires a certain surrender…. Your unhappiness is threaded through your idea of you. Happiness would overturn some things you know about yourself. Happiness asks, “Are you willing to be a different you?” Or, “Are you willing to be not you?”
– John Tarrant, Bring Me the Rhinoceros, pg. 147

As each year ends, I like to reflect back on my life, my relationships, my career, and my writing. One of the things that’s occurred to me is that “Into the Centre”, our old e-zine, was first published in 1999. There’s 10 years worth of writing in the archives. I’ve been spending some time making the old articles over into the format of the website, which means a better chance to read some of the old stuff.

I recognize that many of the themes that I present on the blog are in a sense rehashings of things I’ve written about before. So that quote from last week, when I first read it, it kind of stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t just that it was a clever sentence – and it is – but that it frames the whole thing in a way I’ve never thought of before.

I don’t know about you, but in my life, these kinds of insights tend to stack up. So a couple of days later, when the January 2009 edition of Shambhala Sun showed up, I really wasn’t surprised to find a pile of quotes that helped to unpack what it might mean “… to be not you.”

About Letting Go

My clients use very specific language when addressing what they think to be their issues. Often, they’ll say,

• “I really need to let go of… ” or
• “I really need to stop holding onto… “

And then, they’ll give me a list of one or more of things that they think they need to let go of.

They get the drift that there are certain things they’re doing that are causing the misery. It’s as if they think that if only they could drop those specific behaviors they might just be happy.

Their experience, however, typically is that even if they do manage to stop one or more of those behaviors, they really aren’t that much more happy or content. Happiness, it seems, is always a couple of steps ahead of them.

I mentioned some issues ago about another quote I’d read, where the writer used the term, “cheerful melancholiac”. I said something to the effect that this perspective fit for me – that my tendency is to be a bit sad, and if I don’t watch myself, sad can turn into really sad, and things can rapidly go downhill from there. I’ve noticed, over the last few years, that I’ve gotten over myself to a great extent, and don’t sink very far at all into this odd little pit.

It never occurred to me, however, that viewing myself as a cheerful melancholiac was just another choice. It felt so real. Thus my surprise when I read the line, “… to be not you.”

I think, prior to that, I got it intellectually that what was going on in my head – my stories, my emotions, my delusions, and all the other nonsense up there – was no more substantial than bubbles atop a rushing stream. They sure felt real – and when I was caught in the middle of all the drama, that was all I could see.

I think I am now really understanding, however, that this is just me doing what I normally do – in this case, making myself miserable. While it’s a great improvement to simply let all of that and be – in other words, to be sad when I’m sad, and not to beat up on myself over it – another, more interesting alternative, would be to really let go.

In other words, the way we all go off the rails is by thinking that certain aspects of our personality, emotional or physical condition, or the behaviors we engage in are somehow etched in stone.

Here’s the truth: The contents of my mind, much like the bubbles on water, are the game my mind is playing. They’re not me.

The January 2009 issue of Shambhala Sun is their 30th anniversary issue. They’ve grabbed sections of amazing past articles, and that’s where the following quotes are from.

To begin with, here’s one from the Dalai Lama:

The actual process by which mind creates our unenlightened existence and the suffering we experience is described by Candrakirti in his Guide to the Middle Way, where he states, “An undisciplined state of mind gives rise to delusions which propel an individual into negative action, which then creates the negative environment in which the person lives.” Page 78

Unenlightened existence [samsara] is getting caught on the wheel of life. In other words, we think that what we see is real as opposed to something we make up in our heads. I’ve written about this a lot–and about exercises to shift this.

Although it’s a lot to swallow, everything you see, hear, feel, think, all of this stuff, is simply things going on in your head. The things you see, for example, are nothing more than electrical impulses in the back of your brain.

The real point, the essential point, is to fully understand that how you view the world is how you view the world.

The Dalai Lama has it in the correct order: we go up into our heads and tell ourselves stories, act upon the unsubstantiated stories, and then notice that the world we’ve created fits the stories we’ve created. And then we say, “See! It’s just like I thought it was.”

Lame eh?

This is what each of us does, this is what each of us has been trained to do. This is me, being me. This is you being you.

On page 79 we read a quote from Pema Chödrön:

The process of becoming unstuck requires tremendous bravery, because basically we are completely changing our way of perceiving reality, like changing our DNA. We are undoing a pattern that is not just our pattern. It’s the human pattern: we project onto the world a zillion possibilities of attaining resolution. We can have whiter teeth, a weed-free lawn, a strife-free life, a world without embarrassment. We can live happily ever after. This pattern keeps us dissatisfied and causes us a lot of suffering.

It’s all in our training. We all know that buying stuff makes us happy, because that’s what the marketers tell us. We all know that we can live happily ever after, because that’s what the movie makers tell us. And yet, when we try to live this way, we find ourselves bumping our noses against our wants, our needs, and our dramas. We believe that happiness and contentment somehow lies outside of us, and we seek after it like Don Quixote tilted at windmills.

What we believe something is, and what something is, is never the same thing.

So, now I am going to combine what I’ve always written with the “… to be not you” line.

Not only do you have to notice the games you play between your ears, but you have to actually do something about them. I think I can pretty easily get you to watch what goes on in there – certainly we do that when we teach meditation or mindfulness. Doing something about it, or actually not doing something about it, is the tricky part. Many people think that mindfulness equals calmness. What it actually equals is presence.

Presence means being with whatever is going on, with total awareness, and full permission.

The same article, new quote.

For example, if somebody abandons us, we don’t want to be with that raw discomfort. Instead, we conjure up a familiar identity of ourselves as a hapless victim. Or maybe we avoid the rawness by acting out and righteously telling the person how messed up he or she is. We automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another, identifying with victory or victimhood. Page 80

This would be being you. Being not you would mean simply sitting with the pain, watching the stories go by, and not attaching to any of it. The nonattachment part is a characteristic of the Middle Way.

Another quote:

When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.

Cool loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideas of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment. page 80

The Middle Way is the balanced perspective. This is how we develop our core. Our self identity expands and loosens. We let go of identifying, not only with what does not work, but also with what does. We are not any of it.

If, for example, I identify with my 30-year-old solid and healthy body, I’m in deep trouble in my 60s. If I think what happened to me in the past dictates how I am right now, I’m stuck. If I think what I imagine ought to happen is anything more than the story I’m telling myself, I open myself to disappointment and heartache.

If I watch myself, and watch others, and in an openhearted, caring, and detached way, then what is, is what is, I am who I am, and what’s going on becomes a moment in time, as opposed to a life sentence.

Last quote, From Taizan Maezumi Roshi:

I am not devaluing thought. I am just mentioning that we shouldn’t mix up the fact of our life with our thoughts about our life. What we think and what actually is — that’s what Buddha talks about as constant change. Anything and everything, constantly changing. That’s the real life, which is, in a way, unknowable. And that unknowable, impersonal no-self — unfixed by any kind of values, attachments, detachments — works perfectly. Knowing nothing, it works completely. That is what this life is. That is what is expressed as no-self. When you don’t see this, suffering is waiting for you. When you see it, there is Nirvana, or peace. Page 81

Darbella and I wish you an elegant, present, and mindful end of the year.

Wayne C. Allen is a Psychotherapist in Private Practice in Ontario, Canada and the author of several highly regarded books. As a therapist, he teaches his clients to be self-responsible. He uses directed, Zen-based, cognitive and humanistic therapy to work with the mind, along with bodywork, breathwork, and chakra energy work to address the body. Read more of Wayne’s articles at his Phoenix Centre Blog.

Clear thinking begins with knowing what you’re thinking and gradually becoming aware of any judgments you may be making about each person, each event and each object you pass.

Today’s guest author, Wayne C. Allen, shares a Zen perspective that can literally make us more aware of how unruly, undisciplined and automatic our thoughts can be. In fact, Wayne suggests…

Never Ignore Your Mind
By Wayne C. Allen

I want briefly to frame our discussions for today. You’ll remember that we’ve been talking about paying attention – this is the chief method for dealing with our mental games.

It is important to remember that mental games are not optional, and the best we can ever hope for is a bit of peace of mind, through focused attention and meditation.

Indeed, this is the point of passive meditation.

Passive Meditation Stills the Mind… briefly

Often connected to a ‘mind focus,’ passive meditation is also called, in Zen, Zazen, or simply sitting. One Zen Sensei I know was discussing counting breaths as a way of meditating. She said, “It seems simple… count your breaths on the out breath. When you reach 10, start again. If, while counting, you distract yourself with a thought, start counting again.”

She paused. “In 20 years of doing this, I have often reached 6… ”

The Joy of Simple Presence

Zen is concerned with one thing only. It is living with simple presence, or “being present.” The idea is, again, alarmingly simple.

• There is a ‘real’ world of which we are a part. It has no intrinsic meaning, and is therefore ‘empty’ of meaning.
• We interact with everything through our senses. We’ve mentioned this before. Sensory data also has no meaning.
• We interpret the sensory data. Thus, the world you perceive is not the world – the world you perceive is your interpreted version of the world. Our interaction with ‘the world, then, is always subjective, as we take the raw data and judge (interpret) it.

Zen Masters (and quantum physicists) say that we can never know, nor prove, objective reality. Everything we interact with is filtered by our subjective experience.

Why Meditation (and life) is a Challenge

The simple task of ‘just sitting’ becomes endlessly complex, as our minds start prattling on. “I wonder how I’m doing. My foot is cramped. The woman next to me is pretty. I wonder when lunch is, and what we’ll be eating. I wonder what time it is.”

And then we take another breath, and start counting at 1.

I recently viewed a video on Sludge Ponds. I was amazed to come across that one, as it fits so perfectly. Like it or not, Waste Treatment Plants deal with human waste. In the past, we buried it, thinking “out of sight, out of mind.” No longer. We have come to see that our crap is always with us, and a more natural approach was required, allowing nature to slowly transform the crap into something useful. Nice analogy for all of the mind-chatter, isn’t it?

The goal is not to stop the internal chatter.

(Hint: you can’t. No one can.)

The goal is to notice it as it arises, and to get to a place where we ‘simply notice’ without following the thought.

This is actually a great improvement, and a worthy life-goal.

When I begin to get a handle on the way my mind works, I can get over myself, stop blaming, and let my thoughts come and go. As I do this, I begin to perceive at more depth. As I do this, I begin to let go of my attachments to my judgements, my games, and my avoidance.

About Active Meditation

This is the goal of active meditation, and R.A.I.N.

I mentioned R.A.I.N. in a previous article, and it bears repeating, in short form.

Recognition is being aware that my mind is doing its thing. Mostly we talk to ourselves (in various voices, but it’s all us) continually, and the voices lead us in directions we might not consciously choose. So, if I learn to pay attention to my mind-voices, I can ‘simply listen.’

A is for acceptance. What normally happens is the voice starts blaming, for example. We tune in after a while, having subconsciously heard the judgements. We start off, then, in a disadvantaged state, and we buy in to the concocted story. “YES! Just like normal, it’s all my husband’s fault. He is mean and cruel and never lets me do what I want. And besides, all he wants is sex.”

The acceptance piece is: “Wow. I almost lost it there. I am frustrating myself because I judge that my husband is not acting right. I was going to blame him, and I just remembered it’s me getting me upset.”

In other words, acceptance is taking total self responsibility for all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. (Boy, I see you cringing out there, having to accept acceptance… ) Every single thought, emotion, and reaction I have is me, doing me. No one makes feel, act, or think. Acceptance is coming to terms with how what I do, think, and say is the sole determinant of, well, me. If you want to know why you are miserable, I have a 100% accurate answer. Go look in the mirror. There stands your tormentor.

I is for investigation, and that’s what we’re talking about in today’s article. If I dedicate my life to watching myself play games with myself, I can also (next step) let go and make other, perhaps better choices. But if I won’t investigate, I am lost in a sea of repetitive behaviour, and nothing will change.

Non-identification, or non-attachment, is the method. Once I see my mind at work, I can let go of thinking that, just because I think or have acted a certain way, that I must continue to do so. I can ‘own’ my thoughts, without identifying with them. What I soon see is that I am not a fixed persona at all, but an endlessly ongoing process. My process is experiencing, and if I simply notice, the thoughts move along of their own accord.

Exercises in Consciousness

Several articles ago I printed a few paragraphs from my book, This Endless Moment. I briefly mentioned an observation exercise. Let’s do it more formally.

The Naming Exercise
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes for a minute, and have several deep breaths, evenly and comfortably. Open your eyes, and look around the room.

As you see an object, silently name it. Move your eyes, and re-focus. Name the object. Continue around the room in any pattern you choose. Let your eyes pause, focus, and name the object. Do this for a few minutes.

Now, very briefly. Look at one of the objects, and let your mind start to evaluate it. For example, I can see a flat panel TV. My evaluation starts up with “It’s smaller than the one I have at home. And it’s mounted so it’s hard to get at the wires.” And on and on.

Stop. Go back to circling the room, just naming. Then refocus on one thing, and judge and evaluate. Do this shifting back and forth many times, and think about making it a daily, 5-minute discipline.

I’m attempting to get you to differentiate between noticing and judging. Noticing is a cataloguing process. It’s essential. It helps us recognize, for example, threats. A hot coil on your stove is ‘the same’ as a hot coil on mine – the category matches. I don’t have to burn my hand on yours to recognize it’s ‘like’ mine.

Judgement, on the other hand, is this. “Nasty, stupid stove. That coil is out to get me, and it burned my hand intentionally. If only I had better parents, I would live in a world where I never burned myself. Besides, if people loved me they’d see to it that I never got burned.” (Metaphorically, too, I suppose.)

The mind loves its stories, and your mind is yours. As you notice your mind’s games, more and more you can detach from the story and return to the category. “Is this something I must do something about, and if so, what might that action be?” Do you see how different this is from, “Crap like this always happens to me. I am a poor, helpless victim.”

In Zen, we say that victims are always self-made.

Go Have a Judgement Party
In a prior article (and in my book,) I suggested that you go to the Mall or the beach and judge a whole lot of people. Normally, we look at people and concoct stories about them, based upon conjecture and how we are feeling at the moment, as well as our past experience with similar people.

One might, for example, think, “All men want is sex. That’s why he asked me out.” A client said this, and determined to not go out. I asked whether she might want to ask his intention, rather than guess it. She decided to risk it. He said he wanted to go out with her to have fun and get to know her better.

I said, “Asking often provides information we need, as our imaginations are all about us. And besides, you don’t have to have sex with him if you don’t want to.”

She replied, “Hey. I like sex. It might be fun.” Funny how the mind works, eh?

So, go find some people to stare at. Use the last exercise as the model. Look. Name. “Blond woman. Heavy man. Bald-headed old guy.”

Then, fixate on one person, and let your mind do its thing. “Wow. Look at the short skirt on that one! I’ll bet she just loves the attention.” “Man, what a slob. I’ll bet he eats with a power fork.” Whatever. Then, back to ‘just naming.’

Now, fixate and hold the story you just concocted gently. Repeat the main point. “Wow. Look at the short skirt on that one! I’ll bet she just loves the attention.” Stop. Own the judgement by name. “Say, This is me, judging this woman and lusting after her.” This is me, judging this man, and rejecting him, feeling repelled.”

This is me, this is me, this is me.

Go back to naming, then fixate. “Wow. Look at the short skirt on that one! I’ll bet she just loves the attention.” This time, flip to naming, but simply name the feeling or emotion. “Horny, horny.” “Repelled, repelled.” “Sad, sad.” “Happy, happy.”

You should, by this point, feel a relief and release. The feeling, the judgement, is just as transient as all thought, providing you do not latch on to it. You begin to see that it is a ‘passing thought’ and by definition, something you have, and then do not. It is like your breath. You breathe in air, exhale air, and it flows through you, but it is not you.

What IS you is the process – breathing.

So, your thoughts are not you. What IS you is the process – thinking.

Play with this for a while, and watch as your mind tries to convince you that your thoughts are real. Smile, and let each go. And notice, as you do, what is happening in the here and now. Life, events, processes, coming into being, and folding into themselves. Nothing lasts.

One thing, and one thing, and one thing.

This is Zen.

Wayne C. Allen is a Psychotherapist in Private Practice in Ontario, Canada and the author of several highly regarded books. As a therapist, he teaches his clients to be self-responsible. He uses directed, Zen-based, cognitive and humanistic therapy to work with the mind, along with bodywork, breathwork, and chakra energy work to address the body. Read more of Wayne’s articles at his Phoenix Centre Blog.

Back to Charles:
Are you still convinced that your thoughts are real? Or that your life is a fixed path, with each event having only one meaning? And do you still believe that your first, impulsive judgment of each thing you see is accurate?

You can actually find a huge number of alternate meanings for everything that happens in your life, if you simply pause and look for those meanings. Or, alternatively, you can relax and let some things have no meaning at all. They simply exist.

When you really “get” that anything can mean anything, and that it’s you who decides that meaning, you gain enormous power over what you experience in life. And going further, when you learn that there doesn’t have to be ANY meaning, you gain a rock-solid stability that remains unmoved by all that passes around you.

Of course, even as I write these things, I’m offering trial judgments about the relative value of living with awareness and without it. You see, making judgments is not necessarily wrong… but doing it blindly, not knowing that you’re shaping your own reality, means that you’re crashing around blindfolded.

Have you ever taken the blindfold off, even if only for a few brief moments? What was it like?

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles