bullseye-living.com » SelfHelp

Cynicism Meets Dumb and Dumber

CharlesB — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:10:44 +0000

In the mood for some unusually cynical advice?

How about a self-help article that lists out eleven of the worst self-help books ever, tells you what’s wrong with them, tells you why to avoid those books in particular, and then includes sales links to each one of them at Amazon.

If you’d like to see this for yourself, it’s at The E-Advisor Blog (where, according to their tagline, “Education Meets Edgy”).

Here are just four of their oddly mixed articles:

Are you as impressed as I am?

Cheers,
Charles

Are We Fighting Evil or Fostering Good?

CharlesB — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:24:20 +0000

When we struggle against all those “bad” habits of ours, it may be that we’re utterly on the wrong track. In fighting evil, what do we have front-and-center in our minds? Yep, the very thing we want to banish from our lives. And as every teacher has tried to show us, we get what we think about. Worse, we actually become what we think about.

I don’t know if the following story is true or not, but in either case, it shows how some of the things we unquestioningly believe in don’t even exist.

Does Evil Exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists?

A student bravely replied, “Yes, he did!“

“God created everything?“ The professor asked.

“Yes sir“, the student replied.

The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil“. The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?“

“Of course“, replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?“

“What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question.

The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.“

The student continued, “Professor, does darkness exist?“

The professor responded, “Of course it does.“

The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.“

Finally the young man asked the professor, “Sir, does evil exist?“

Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.“

The professor sat down.

The young man’s name — Albert Einstein.

Of course, the name you use for “God” may be something else. Universal Intelligence. The Law of Attraction. The Order. Or something else entirely. That’s not the important point – or probably shouldn’t be. The real point is, are you still blindly accepting concepts and ideas that have been handed down unquestioningly for generations upon generations.

So back to those bad habits we struggle against so mightily. We know that feeding them energy always makes them stronger and sinks us deeper into a quagmire of our own making.

How much more effective would it be to spend our time mulling – not our failings – but the positives we want? No more struggle. Simply a steady consideration of higher qualities. And if we screwed up – as we sometimes do – what if we gently said to ourselves, “No, what I really wanted to do was this…” and go right back to our higher aspirations?

Indeed, what if?

Cheers,
Charles

So You Think 2012 Is a New Year?

CharlesB — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 22:49:49 +0000

Time for a contrarian comment. Just this. Only a very, very few people will have a new year in 2012.

Everybody else will have the same old year they’ve been repeating for ages. Slapping a new number on the same old stuff and pretending it’s the Emperor’s New Year is either cynical or self-delusional. Only a change of Actions, Thoughts and Intentions will make 2012 something new for you and me.

So as we go about wishing everybody “Happy New Year,” do we really mean it, from deep down in our guts, or are we just mouthing easy words?

Happy New Year?
Charles

Reframing Reality – Putting Meaning to Chaos

CharlesB — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:44:51 +0000

When I was young, I instinctively sensed that “reality” was not what it seemed, and I hated it. I could find no meaning that would remain stable long enough for me to depend on it, to believe in it. No sooner would I latch onto this opinion or that “truth” as correct, than cracks in that truth would begin appearing, crazing slowly across the face of each newly adopted belief system. And I was too young, too inexperienced to think of making up my own meanings.

To my lurching mind, it appeared that anything could be true, and compounding that confusing thought, I found that I could not hold my mind immobile (not still, but immobile) enough to stop noticing all the contradictions, fallacies or exceptions that seemed inherent in… well… everything.

I recall one day scrawling on the wall of a darkroom lab where I worked at the time:

……….There is no logic
……….No sense nor reason
……….The monkey is wise

Oddly, although I had no idea what they meant, those three lines felt solid in my mind. I found more certainty in that bit of nonsense than in most of what I’d seen, read and heard from all the experts. It wasn’t till years later that I began sensing what my inner mind had been trying to tell me.

At that time it was common to hear the words existentialism and nihilism tossed about, and I was aware that they seemed to involve some lack of meaningfulness in what we called reality. But that was all so damnably depressing. It seemed to be a given that where no meaning existed, there was also no hope, no reason for living, no joy.

I was already depressed enough without all that, so no thanks.

Eventually I found my way through my Slough of Despond (to borrow a phrase from John Bunyan). On the far side of that swampy, hopeless mire, I found sunshine, joy and – best of all – a meaning that I could live with. Where did I find them? We’ll come to that in a moment, but first, I’d like to share with you a note sent to me this morning by friend and frequent contributor Peter Vajda. He writes:

Sharing a Thought on Meaning
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

As I was reflecting on topics for this week’s food-for-thought piece, I came across a book of poetry by the Zen Master Ikkyu (1400s). This one resonated with me deeply and I thought I might share it with you.

Skeletons

One night… a pitiful-looking skeleton appeared and said these words:

……….A melancholy autumn wind
……….Blows through the world;
……….The pampas grass waves,
……….As we drift to the moor,
……….Drift to the sea.

……….What can be done
……….With the mind of a man
……….That should be clear
……….But though he is dressed up in a monk’s robe,
……….Just lets life pass him by?

Toward dawn I dozed off, and in my dream I found myself surrounded by a group of skeletons… One skeleton came over to me and said:

……….Memories
……….Flee and
……….Are no more.
……….All are empty dreams
……….Devoid of meaning.

……….Violate the reality of things
……….And babble about
……….“God” and “the Buddha”
……….And you will never find
……….the true Way.

I liked this skeleton… He saw things clearly, just as they are. I lay there with the wind in the pines whispering in my ears and the autumn moonlight dancing across my face.

What is not a dream? Who will not end up as a skeleton? We appear as skeletons covered with skin — male and female — and lust after each other. When the breath expires, though, the skin ruptures, sex disappears, and there is no more high or low. Underneath the skin of the person we fondle and caress right now is nothing more than a set of bare bones. Think about it — high and low, young and old, male and female, all are the same. Awaken to this one great matter and you will immediately comprehend the meaning of “unborn and undying.”

……….If chunks of rock
……….Can serve as a memento
……….To the dead,
……….A better headstone
……….Would be a simple tea-mortar.

……….Humans are indeed frightful beings.
……….A single moon
……….Bright and clear
……….In an unclouded sky;
……….Yet still we stumble
……….In the world’s darkness.

Have a good look — stop the breath, peel off the skin, and everybody ends up looking the same. No matter how long you live the result is not altered [even for emperors]. Cast off the notion that “I exist.” Entrust yourself to the wind-blown clouds, and do not wish to live for ever.

……….This world
……….Is but
……….A fleeting dream
……….So why by alarmed
……….At its evanescence?

……….The vagaries of life,
……….Though painful
……….Teach us
……….Not to cling
……….To this floating world.

……….Why do people
……….Lavish decorations
……….On this set of bones
……….Destined to disappear
……….Without a trace?

……….No one really knows
……….The nature of birth
……….Nor the true dwelling place.
……….We return to the source
……….And turn to dust.

……….Many paths lead from the foot of the mountain,
……….But at the peak
……….We all gaze at the
……….Single bright moon.

……….If at the end of our journey
……….There is no final
……….Resting place,
……….Then we need not fear
……….Losing our Way.

……….No beginning,
……….No end.
……….Our mind
……….is born and dies:
……….The emptiness of emptiness!

……….Rain, hail, snow and ice:
……….All are different,
……….But when they fall
……….They become the same water
……….As the valley stream.

……….The ways of proclaiming
……….The Mind vary,
……….But the same heavenly truth
……….Can be seen
……….In each and every one.

……….Cover your path
……….With the fallen pine needles
……….So no one will be able
……….To locate your
……….True dwelling place.

SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work

Back to Charles:
….. Now, I’m not usually one for poetry. I tend to like writers who just come right out and say what the heck they mean, rather than burying their intent beneath obscure images, symbols and metaphors.

And yet… once in a while… something comes along that actually speaks powerfully to me despite its veils. This poem does exactly that. it’s a gentle slap in the face to anyone who seeks meaning – whether within themselves or out there. It’s a reminder that no meaning can ever be found. It can only be originated – assigned by ourselves at this moving point of a moment.

It appears that meaning is not and never will be a set “thing.” It’s only available as a dynamic, instant-by-instant experience. So if your life has been lacking in meaning, cheer up. It’s well within reach. All we need to do is assign our own meanings to each of our experiences.

And this leads me to the concept of reframing. In Neuro Linguistic Programming, we learn that we can back up, take another look at the issues causing us pain, and choose to assign new meanings to those situations.

The wife who is a compulsive vacuumer frets over all the footprints her family leaves in her carpets. She’s constantly re-vacuuming to clear away the imperfections in her perfectly kept carpets.

But when a therapist pointed out that the reason she’s so vigilant about vacuuming is because she’s trying to keep a clean and perfect home for the family she loves. Then he suggested that those footprints represent the presence of the very people she is taking care of. In fact, those footprints are a sign of how much they trust and depend on her. A sign that they are there with her and love her too.

That little shift in perception, just one small adjustment in the meaning of footprints, freed her to relax and stop obsessing over the condition of her carpets. Instead, she became more aware of her family as a positive presence rather than a negative one.

Reframing. Assigning new meanings to the circumstances of life.

When Victor Frankl was dragged away to a Nazi death camp, he never suspected that it would motivate him to one day write “Man’s Search for Meaning,” a classic in literature. I highly recommend reading it. His body was imprisoned within unthinkably brutal, dehumanizing conditions. And yet, he not only found a personal meaning for the experience, he found a life’s purpose as well.

While thousands of the prisoners around him were giving up and choosing to die, Frankl deliberately selected a different meaning and assigned it to the experiences through which he was passing. He wrote that about three-fourths of the prisoners could find no reason to live. He said you could see it in their eyes. Meanwhile, the other one-fourth reached within themselves and created their own reason for living – assigned a meaning that would carry them forward and through to the other side of that impossible place and time. They reframed the death camp experience and created within themselves the power to live on through anything.

Here are a few Frankl quotes:

A human being is a deciding being.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.

Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.

Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.

Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.

The last of human freedoms – the ability to chose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.

Now, I’m not much of a philosopher. I’d much rather live than sit around thinking about living. But setting aside for the moment my usual avoidance of philosophy, here’s a brief definition of existential themes, as quoted from the Morehead University website:

Prominent Themes in Existential Literature

Life is suffering.

Life is not fair.

Individuals are alienated from themselves by the highly complex, sophisticated, technological, bureaucratic world in which they live.

Individual alienation, the loss of a sense of identity, is perpetuated by the labels and categories we use to describe people.

Individuals are free to choose how they will respond to the painful existence in which they find themselves.

Because they are free, individuals are also responsible for their own actions.

Reality is not objectively knowable. All knowledge is subjective.

Knowledge that is presumed to be objective and factual is actually of minimal value because it is superficial. (Science is not all it’s cracked up to be.)

Knowledge that is recognized as subjective is the most valuable, because it consists of internalized, integrated, self-initiated meanings. It is not merely cognitive, but is also affective.

The knowledge we attain subjectively may not lend itself to logical, propositional statement. It may be best expressed through metaphors.

Existentialists are more interested in living than in knowing (in a narrow cognitive sense).

Oh, and if you’re curious about the oft-bandied term “nihilism,” here’s a cheerful little quote from another somewhat scholarly source:

Nihilism

Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.

Pretty depressing, isn’t it? What appears to be missing from these systems is the sense of personal power that would enable us to create the meaning that so many people are missing.

Let me put it this way: meaning – indeed reality itself – is a DIY project. It’s your job to live your life, including choosing whatever you want it to mean.

Fortunately, it’s not hard to do. Only keep this in mind: the point is not any end result you might produce, but rather the journey of getting yourself there.

So today, don’t tell me about where you’re going. Instead, answer me this: are you having fun and feeling good about yourself along the way?

And how are you reframing reality to make that happen in an enjoyable way?

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles

Change – Is it Good, Bad, or Something Else?

CharlesB — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 02:09:41 +0000

We tend to want stability in our lives – and that’s a good thing, right? We want a job or business we can depend on, a spouse and friends who are steadfast and loyal, and health that doesn’t spring sudden, nasty surprises on us.

On the other hand, we’ve also heard that “change is inevitable” or even that we should “embrace change.” If stability is a good thing, then how can “good change” also be true? To put the question in plain words, how do we reconcile all this “change is good” stuff with the need for a stable, dependable life?

Today’s guest author Peter Vajda often helps clients facing the trauma of change that has descended upon them without warning. Here is his advice for when we are…

Refusing to Let Go
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

“We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what in the morning was true will in evening become a lie.”
– Carl Jung

We’ve heard the expression “change is the one constant in life.” Every day we experience change in some way, shape or form. For many, change is unsettling – it unearths our feelings of insecurity, instability and disharmony.

The pain and suffering of change

These uncomfortable feelings and emotions do not come from the change itself. Rather, our experience of the pain and suffering we experience with change results not from the experience of change, but from efforting to hold on – to the past, to familiar ways of thinking, be-ing and do-ing. Perhaps you’ve recently reacted to, or resisted calls for, change in your work, in your life at home, in your relationships or even in the habits and patterns you’re accustomed to in your play and recreation.

Fear of change

Underneath our reactivity to change is some type of fear – e.g., fear of the unknown, fear of new ways of doing things or thinking about things, fear about having to learn something new, fear of letting go, fear of being different and the like. This fear presents a tremendous opportunity for personal and professional growth. How so?

When we experience our fear around change, a powerful question to explore is, “What am I afraid of?” This exploration allows us to dig deeper and understand what’s beneath our fear – an opportunity to see what we can learn about our fear, what fear is telling us. If we enter this exploration from a place of curiosity, rather than from self-judgment (i.e., feeling “bad” or “wrong” with our discomfort around change), we can begin to be at peace with our fear. We can watch it. We can observe it as it moves through us. But we don’t have to “become” it. We can just be with it.

Rather than denying our fear, talking a detour to move around it, suppressing it or controlling it, we can lovingly and compassionately invite ourselves to come into direct contact with our fear and see what it wants to teach us about ourselves.

Fear can lead to love

Fear and love are on opposite ends of a continuum. The more we can be with our fear, allow it, understand it and learn from it, the greater our ability to experience life from the love side of the continuum – where change is not so threatening. On the love (of ourself) side, we feel less resistance to change, we are more capable of “going with the flow,” we have less need to control, and surprisingly, we find we are more trusting when change happens – at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

The first step towards being OK with change is acceptance – acceptance not of the change, but acceptance of yourself, of your fears around the change, believing that it’s OK to feel your feelings. The next step is to go inside and explore what’s underneath your fears. Really explore and not try to “think” your fear away (an art form in Western culture). Once you accept yourself as you face change, you become more clear about the causes of your fear, your reactivity and resistance. You develop the capacity to be more open to allow change. Exploring your fear from this place will lead you to “right knowing,” “right understanding” and “right action” with respect to the change.

Tension leads to growth

The beauty of the fear, and the tension around it, is that without tension growth is not possible. A seed cannot grow without tension. Some seeds need cold, some need warmth. When seeds begin to grow, they meet the resistance of their shell. As such, they need to push through the soil – some even need to push through concrete or macadam – and then against gravity and the wind. The deal is that none of these resistance elements inhibits the seed from growing but, rather, they enhance its growth into a mature and strong plant. This is why fear is an opportunity for growth.

Hanging on for dear life does not result in a dear life.

So, at work, and at home, at play and in relationship, we can learn to grow through change – we cannot change and grow while resisting, defending and holding on to the status quo, hanging on to dear life. Change is not a threat to growth but, rather, an integral part of it.

Resisting change and the illusion of “comfort”

Many folks resist change in order to remain “comfortable.” But, the comfort they wish to hang on to is “wrapped” in fear, in a quiet or not-so-quiet mental/emotional state of vigilance or subtle agitation masquerading as “comfort” (always fearful that something or someone will “change”). In this place of “faux” comfort, one cannot experience true and real comfort, true and real inner harmony and peace. What these folks really want is harmony; what they really experience is inertia and numbness.

Harmony comes when one is at peace with one’s life and one’s environment, when one is open to change and adaptation – not resistant to it.

Hanging on for dear life, does not result in a dear life. It results in tension, stress, anxiety, resistance and resentment.

Exploring our fear and resistance is the pathway to harmony and inner peace, personal and professional growth, development, harmony and balance.

Finally, remember, life is change. Life is choices. Whether you embrace change or come to it kicking and screaming is your choice. We cannot grow and thrive without change, conflict and tension. Avoiding change, denying change, resisting change keeps us feeling like a victim, always wanting to blame someone or something for the way we feel.

When we choose to explore our resistance and fear around change, we learn more about ourselves, become stronger, more courageous, more autonomous, more willful, and more engaged in living life.

Change is an opportunity for us to navigate our world with our eyes “wide open,” not “wide shut”. Change allows us to grow our minds, stretch beyond our mental limits and emotional boundaries. Change allows us to move through life with a greater degree of trust, freedom and harmony.

Moving beyond your fear

Here’s an exercise to support you to move beyond your fear:

Acknowledge and really feel your fear without judging and criticizing yourself.

Ask your fear what it’s there to tell you. Be alert for inner messages that will bring you greater understanding of your situation. Listen with your heart, your inner self, not your “logical-ego mind”.

Be fully present. Relax into your body. Breathe deeply and continuously into your belly.

Ask your higher knowing: “What can I do to improve my situation? What do I need to know and understand?”

Taking action on what you discover helps get your energy moving. (Action absorbs anxiety; paralysis doesn’t.)

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

What is your greatest fear? Why do you fear what you’re fearing?

Are there aspects of yourself you reject? How so?

Where are you experiencing tension or conflict in your life? Where are you struggling facing major challenges? (career, home, play, relationship, finances, health, emotions, etc.?)

Do you face change with ATTENTION or TENSION?

How can you use tension and conflict to grow stronger, and become more authentic, as you?

What is a current change or conflict in your life telling you? What area of potential is it pointing to? What quality about your self is it pointing to?

Are your current tensions or conflicts the same as last year, the year before and the year before that? If so, why?

Would you characterize yourself as an embracer of change or a victim of change? Why?

Do you feel you have the right and the power to decide how anyone or anything can affect you?

Would your colleagues, friends or family say you most often embrace change or resist change?

Are you hanging on for dear life in some way, shape or form in your life?

How did you and your family deal with change as you were growing up?

SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work

Back to Charles:
…..
How do you greet change? Is it with your arms wide open… or crossed? Are you eager to see what tomorrow will bring, or do you dread it?

To put this question of change versus stability into perspective, let’s take standing versus walking. Which is better?

Say you’re a guard at Buckingham Palace. Standing stock still for hours on end, never even being tempted into a smile. After all, that’s what those guards are famous for. So in this situation standing is highly desirable.

But in a hundred-meter dash, wouldn’t that look stupid? The starter’s gun fires, all the runners fly out of the blocks – all but one. He likes stability. Standing in place. You won’t find him running off and deserting his post, nossir.

Or take a surfer. Ever see a surfer who’s as inflexible as his board? No? Wonder why not… could it be that when the situation involves physical movement, we instinctively understand that we must shift and turn to keep our balance.

The palace guard’s situation is decidedly different from that of the surfer. But let’s change the situation a bit. What if one of those rigidly standing guards looks up and sees a wild-eyed, screaming gunman approaching. You can bet he’d explode into motion then.

Different situation, different rules!

Pay attention to that last point. It states an obvious truth: the rules vary with the situation, and we all understand this… but…

But… isn’t it still sometimes hard for us to roll with the punches of life? We know about the martial arts. We know that with judo, aikido or kungfu we don’t resist an attacker’s shove or pull. Rather, we go with it, simply redirecting the combined balance and energy of the two bodies in the direction we want it to go. We actively adjust, adapt, take charge.

We would, in a word, change.

If we’re still finding pain in change, just about the only reason is because we’re trying to apply palace-guard rules when life has turned into a judo match. Or vice-versa.

We’re sitting and whining, “Why can’t life just leave me alone and let me watch my reality shows in peace”?

Why? Because that’s not how life works, and it never has been. Of course, it’ll sometimes give us brief periods of quiet, when nothing much seems to be happening. But the operative word there is “seems.” In fact, the ground is always shifting, changing, moving beneath our feet. We may not see those changes, but they’re there, and the cumulative effect will one day soon burst forth into your life with some wonderful, exciting opportunities to seize and benefit from.

Resolutions on a Shorter Runway

CharlesB — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 04:27:08 +0000

New Year’s resolutions are a big disappointment to just about everybody. Many get made, but few are achieved. The main reason: there’s such a long incubation period between conception and birth. Because of the long processing time, we lose focus then forget to nurture those aims, neglect to feed them and never quite give them the energy they need. So they simply wither away, never developing into anything.

Most of them fade to black, forgotten, abandoned, ignored. Their end isn’t dramatic enough to qualify as a stillbirth. In fact, they don’t even have the energy to end in spontaneous abortion. Instead they simply dissolve away to nothing, leaving behind only a dusty little residue of guilt in the back of the mouth.

So I’m announcing – more than a month overdue – that I’ve joined the hoards of folks swearing off New Year’s resolutions.

Instead, I’m replacing them with….

New Month’s Resolutions

The advantages are obvious:
……….• Short incubation period to match my short attention span
……….• Not too massive to believe in
……….• A one-month deadline fosters more urgency than 12 months

While it’s true that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time, I’ve found that I don’t like eating elephants. You see, when it comes to elephantine goals, most of the meat usually goes bad before I’ve chewed up a single foot.

So this year, I’m electing to work on tiny little bite-sized elephants instead.

Way I look at it is, 12 small projects completed could possibly amount to more than one huge project left to wither away and never make it into the light of day.

What do you think?

Self Help – Which Ways Don’t Work?

CharlesB — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 13:12:04 +0000

Important Self Help Question: who do we want to be next year at this time? What kind of person would we like to change into?

Wise men say we become what we think about all day long

Most of us probably aspire to be somehow different twelve months from now. Maybe richer, or healthier, or happier, or more in control of our lives. Maybe all of those. Well, here’s the good news: if there’s anything we’d like to change about ourselves there are things – very effective things – we can do. On the flip side of the coin, however, we probably haven’t been doing the effective stuff.

It’s been said that what each of us becomes is decided almost entirely by the books and the people we spend our time with. Let’s think about this for a moment, because it might be possible to mine a little gold out of that old proverb.

For example, every wise man throughout history has told us that we become what we think about all day long. Our thinking – where do we get those ideas and concepts that continually run through our heads?

Mostly from the people and the reading matter that are all around us.

We are constantly exposed to ideas, beliefs and mindsets in the books, newspapers and magazines we habitually read. And we absorb another big portion of our mindset from the people we regularly associate with. This includes not only our family but also our co-workers, our friends and even the people in the media we watch or listen to. That newscaster, that radio DJ, that talk show host, and even those sitcom characters – their views and attitudes are continually rubbing off on us.

So let’s say that in the coming year we don’t change anything. Instead, we continue on in a straight line, changing neither our associates nor our reading matter. Then what can we expect from next January? More of the same, right? And that’s a good thing if we’re already aimed in a direction we want to go.

But what if we’re not?

What if we’re not aimed anywhere? In fact, what if we’re plodding along in a rut, endlessly looping through the same unvarying daily cycle… work-home-sleep, work-home-sleep.

The only direction we’re going is down. Deeper into the rut.

So we get inspired and decide to change our life. This time our intentions are strong… we’re going to do it for sure this time… we have enough inspirational dissatisfaction to drive us powerfully forward this time.

And we get ourselves yet another inspirational book, another how-to course, another self-help manual. And we begin.

Okay… good. Now we’re taking charge of the ideas and the concepts that are filtering into our thoughts. We’re bent on changing things. This is a great start. But…

The influence of people is usually more powerful than that of books

If past experience is any indicator (and it’s important that we face ourselves here…), virtually all do-it-yourself self-help tends to quickly run out of steam. Ever wonder why that is? I mean, the success rate for DIY self improvement is miniscule.

Of course every case is different, but there are some repeating patterns here. And one of those patterns is this: the people around us are usually a more dynamic, more influential source of mental reinforcement than the books we read. Even the very good books.

Fact: the people who go beyond books and add a coach, a mentor or a circle of success-minded associates are far more likely to succeed than the person who attempts it with books alone.

Yes, books are good, but virtually everyone needs more. Those people who have a real live human mentor, coach or role model to help them – those people tend to be more successful in staying the course they’ve set for themselves. If we have ongoing access to somebody experienced, somebody who actually walks the talk and can share their real-life experiences as we encounter obstacles – if we can have that, we’re much, much more likely to get where we want to go.

It’s the difference between having a guide as we climb Mount Everest, or clawing and staggering up the north face with nobody but ourselves.

So what’s the point here? Simply this. If we ever want to change something about our life, we’ll need to accept that going it alone is not a very promising success model. Not impossible, but the odds are microscopic.

Sure, we trot out the old standard excuses:

What successful person would want to mentor me?

I don’t have the money to hire a coach.

What if I fail anyway? All that money wasted.

I’d rather do it myself… maybe I’ll really do it this time.

I’m not sure what I want to change, and a mentor would pressure me.

Plus a hundred other limp-wick excuses…

But the facts remain. More people succeed with a live person helping them reach their objectives. And fewer people succeed when they try to do it on their own.

So if we have any desire to change our lives, we can vastly improve our results by getting ourselves some help. That one difference will drastically multiply our chances of succeeding.
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Now, about your dream to become an author… to write your own book…

This is a very good time to start because my Rocket Write Your Book workshop is about to begin. And through midnight Saturday, you’ll get a very special rate when you sign up for my coaching because you’re one of my readers.

I’ve mentioned before the advantages of having a book of your own. The respect you gain from others, the prestige, the connections and the doors it can open for you. Not to mention the renewed surge of confidence and self esteem you get to enjoy. These are powerful reasons.

But undermining those reasons is the un-reason of: “I’m not sure I can do it….” Or maybe it’s: “What – me write a book? I wouldn’t know where to begin”.

But remember what we were just talking about, the advantages of having a coach or a mentor? Your chances of success go way, way up when you have somebody to guide you up that mountain. Somebody who’s already done it and knows the way.

So if you’re even a little bit interested in writing a book of your own, know this – I’m here to help you do it. Now’s the time… click here to sign up for the Rocket Write workshop because with me guiding you every step of the way, you really can do it.

Find out how achievable this dream of yours really is, with the right kind of help. But you want to move on this right away… that special price disappears tomorrow night, Saturday the 22nd.

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles

Daily Motivation For A Happy Life

CharlesB — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 19:46:17 +0000

www.MotivatiionToMove.com – Daily motivation is the secret to finding your purpose in life. Scott Smith, host of the number one, daily motivation, self-help podcast in the world, will show you how understanding your “Values”, will change your life.

What? Are You Insane?

CharlesB — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:04:38 +0000

Hmmm… insanity. Okay… you’re pretty sure you know it when you see it… but DO you? … Really?

Doing the same things over and over again, but yet expecting different results is insanity.
- Albert Einstein

So keeping Einstein’s definition in mind, let me ask that question again. Are you sure you can recognize insanity on sight – especially in yourself? Or are you feeling just a touch less sure now? For example, are you consistently getting the results you say you’re aiming for? This starts with the goals you pick.

Here’s what I mean. If your idea of progress is “I’m experiencing amazing new breakthroughs in my inner landscape”), then you’re deep into kidding yourself, and you’d better read every word of this post carefully, because that statement doesn’t mean jackshif.

Other ways to know if you’re kidding yourself…

If you’ve started a business or money-making enterprise of any kind, but for the longest time you’ve continued not making money, you’re kidding yourself.

Or if you’re seeking peace, love and happiness, but are still writhing around in despair, malaise and depression, then for sure something is seriously wrong with your approach.

Or if you have a specific goal (like a promotion at work, a newer home, a happier relationship, more savings, etc.), and you’re either standing still or moving backwards, then you’ve got some serious self-kidding going on.

What you’re doing is not producing the results you say you want. So what to do? Let’s confine ourselves to facts here and work backwards.

Results… What Results Are You Trying to Get?

Do they involve money? Love and companionship? Fame and recognition? Peace of mind?

Or are your results – your goals – a little fuzzy around the edges, a bit hard to put into specific words? If that’s the case, there’s no mystery why results may be eluding you, but let’s assume that, if you sat down right now and wrote out what you desire, you could do it in a hundred words or less.

So have you done that? Have you written out (on a real sheet of paper) your desires, aims, targets, goals, outcomes or wants? If not, why not?

If you’ve been studying self help material for more than 15 minutes, you already know it’s important to have written goals. And of course you’ve got yours listed out on paper in exquisite detail. Of course.

And as a practical, results-oriented person, you recognize the importance of taking consistent, focused action toward your goals (or your outcomes, if you prefer that term).

You’re also well aware of the importance of refreshing your mental and emotional connection with your goals, and that it must be done again and again, every single day.

You Already Know All of This, Right?

Knowing and holding a vision of what you want

Committing your goals to paper, in specific detail

Regularly reviewing your goals

Having an action plan, including backup contingencies

Implementing that plan

Adjusting the details of your plan when needed

A plan also for controlling your own attitudes

Persistence

Yep, you already know all of this, and you know that anything on earth you want to achieve can be done by following this list. But how are you doing with it? Please notice that the list features four primary factors.

Vision

Commitment

Implementation

Persistence

This is all well and good, but the point I want to make here is that there’s nothing glamorous or sexy or dazzling about that list. It’s plain, pedestrian stuff. All just commonsense and work.

There’s no magic pill, no mention of the famous Law of Attraction, no requirement for genius, nor extra-powerful mental faculties. Just doing the basics. And keeping on doing the basics. Every day, every day, every day.

Unfortunately, in the self help field, there’s a huge emphasis on the glitter of “the Universe will do it all for you” but there’s less mention of just how much you can (and should) do for yourself.

So for what it’s worth, and I truly do hope you’re paying attention here, because this is a biggie:

The Universe never wastes synchronicity on people who are not already in motion.

If you’ve been doing visualization, programming, chanting, meditation, or any other technique in the hopes that you won’t have to go out into the real world and get your hands dirty doing “real stuff,” then you need to wake up. The clean-hands approach is out of favor with the Universe, folks. In fact, the Universe appears to prefer people with a little grime under their fingernails. Folks who aren’t too good to pitch in and work, who don’t get discouraged if something doesn’t succeed the first time, who will scramble back up after repeated falls and try and try again.

The Universe rewards vision and positive thinking, yes, absolutely. But… only in the presence of a catalyst. Without that catalyst, there’s no power to a vision or a wish. They’re a dime a dozen.

That catalyst is grit. Scramble. Moxie. Spunk. Spirit. The ability to pick your ass up off the ground again, dust yourself off again, and go at it again, even harder than before.

Vision alone is worthless. Hopes and desires and wishes unaccompanied by drive will buy you exactly… nothing.

Of course in some circles this kind of drive is considered low and coarse. Maybe even abrasive and distasteful. The only problem is, it’s this kind of drive that gets results. It’s what receives the smile of the Universe in the form of synchronicity, and so-called “good luck.”

So the things you’re doing to try and reach your goals, are they working? Or are you still right where you were one or five or ten years ago?

Are you still doing the same things today that didn’t work last year? If so, I’ve got some bad news for you. You’re insane.

The good news is, that kind of insanity can be cured. And quickly, too. All it takes is making some changes to what you’re doing. But not just any old random changes. After all, such moves might or might not lead in a useful direction. No, random change alone is not the answer.

Want to know the secret of effective, success-causing change? Here it is. Pay attention.

No, Really, That’s it… Pay Attention.

When you try something, pay attention to the results you get. If they’re not what you want, try something else. If the results you get are better, then do more of that. If the results are worse, go in the opposite direction. This will gradually lead you to where you want to be. Simple, huh?

Also pay very, very careful attention to what other people are doing. Especially note those who are successfully doing what you want to do. Notice their behavior, their methods and their techniques. If they’re getting good results, it means that they’ve already done a lot of the trial and error for you. Model what they’re doing. (By the way, “model” is a nice, scientific sounding word that simply means you should shamelessly copy and imitate successful behavior.)

Note also that it’s impossible to copy and imitate without action, motion, doing things. Here we are back to the need for action again.

Let me reinforce this idea: The Universe loves focused, directed action. It saves its richest rewards for creativity – for people who make things happen – while it utterly ignores passivity and stasis.

So get your butt in gear, because just sitting there visualizing or wishing, with no supporting action and no change in results – that’s just insanity.

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles

DIY Tourettes Therapy (Humor)

CharlesB — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 04:12:38 +0000

THIS IS A WARNING: The video below is comedy. If you’re sensitive about this type of humor, or if politically incorrect nonsense jerks your chain, don’t watch this video. And if you’re thinking of complaining to me, let me advise you in advance – F.O.

As you probably know, Tourettes syndrome is characterized by being unable to stop oneself from bursting out with inappropriate exclamations. Most people know the form that forces the suffer to spout profanity at unexpected moments. This condition is no laughing matter, and nobody should ever make fun of anyone with Tourettes.

At the same time, it’s also important to maintain a healthy sense of humor and the ability to imagine the kind of situations that may result from this condition.

Okay – you’ve been warned. If you still want to click the play button, it’s at your own initiative.

More self help therapy…Banjodeano style