Let me ask you this – have you been worried lately about running out of problems? No… I didn’t think so. Most folks have a fairly plentiful supply. Some might even say they’re endless. But whether your problems are limitless or merely overabundant, one thing is for sure. Those problems almost always look like their source is outside ourselves.

Doesn’t matter what kind of difficulty we’re having, it’s always easiest to blame it on something or somebody “out there.”

That could be the spouse, the boss, the kids, the economy, the president, the Left, the Right, the lunatics, the lousy drivers, the terrorists, the secret police, the conspirators, the Illuminati, the Mob, the Masons, the Yakuza, the Rosicrucians, the devil worshippers, the Girl Scouts, the Catholics, the educational system, the Jews, the Transcendental Meditators, the space brothers, the crazy kid next door, the teacher from hell, the ex-wife, the father-in-law… and the list goes on forever.

The one thing we can predict with absolute certainty is, “it ain’t my fault.” As soon as we become aware that there is some kind of problem, the fancy footwork begins to find a place somewhere out there to hang the blame.

But is that the best approach to handling the challenges of life? Today’s guest columnist Peter Vajda suggests that we may be plunging ourselves into deep doo-doo as soon as we say…

The Problem Is…
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

“The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life. That’s when, ‘Why me?’ becomes a theme song.”
- Roger Dawson

How many times a day – at work, at home, at play and in relationships – do you hear someone say, “the problem is…” in a way that communicates, “I’m a victim;” “someone is doing something to me;” “I’m powerless,” etc. In fact, how often do you make such a comment?

It’s not a fact of life that a “problem” means defeat. That’s a characterization you’re choosing to make. Like beauty, “problem” is in the eye of the beholder. Sadly, many seem to react in a knee-jerk manner and tack towards the negative as soon as a “problem” presents itself.

“We focus on the negatives, losing ourselves in the ‘problem.’ We point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.”
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

When a real or potential problem appears, rather than instinctively assume a “victim consciousness” mindset, what would it be like if you stopped, took a breath and consciously asked your heart and soul to help you out?

Our heart always has our best interest in mind so learning to ask and trust our heart is a life-affirming practice that can relieve stress and negativity while leading us to a sense of expansiveness, lightness, self-trust, harmony and self-confidence. The next time you feel the tendency to exclaim, “The problem is…!” stop, take a breath and consider these seven suggestions:

1. Know that, Universally, there is no such thing as a negative “coincidence” or accident. While your mind might want to create the “problem,” the Universe aligns every event with a reason and a meaning and presents these events FOR us as learning and growth lessons. Every experience is purposeful, if we choose to seek out that purpose.
2. When confronting a “problem” explore what “competence” the problem is asking you to manifest. When something negative occurs, see it as an opportunity to demonstrate your competence. No one is completely and totally “useless” when facing a problem. You may have to reflect some, maybe long and hard, but the Universe has presented you with this opportunity as a way for you to “show up” and use your talents, skills and abilities.
3. Problems are opportunities presented for us to grow in self-confidence. While our mind might want us to shrink, go invisible and move into denial, our Heart and soul will give us the strength and courage to move forward, if we ask and trust.
4. In addition to strength and courage, facing problems also affords us the opportunity to express other Essential or soul qualities: understanding, love, compassion, will, steadfastness, patience, discipline and support.
5. One of the greatest benefits that a problem affords is to the opportunity to learn: about who I am, how I am, about others. “What am I seeing in all of this?” is a powerful personal growth question. Viewing opportunities in this manner supports you to live a life that is meaningful and purposeful.
6. Facing problems allows us to take control of our life, to have our power and be in control. Caving in to problems and moving into a helpless, victim consciousness results in giving our power away and allowing something or someone to control us in a way that is self-limiting, self-sabotaging and life-alienating.
7. Finally, know that your soul has created this opportunity FOR you. Consciously or unconsciously, we attract what we need in order to grow and develop. While we may hate, detest or resist the “problem” in the moment, nothing is ever happening TO you; it’s happening FOR you, and your heart and soul know this. It’s a question of coming to terms with this from a “mental” knowing as well. There’s some part of you that requires further growth and maturation and such opportunities are “life’s lessons” that provide the continued growth and learning that support us to see the meaning and purpose of our life.

So, the next time a problem presents itself on your life’s journey, rather than resist, hide or blame, be curious about what issues may be arising within yourself – issues you need to own and work with. Curiously enough, when we deal with our issues – honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly – various types of “problems” seem to disappear over time.

“We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.”
- Margaret Mead

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

• Do you spend much of your time feeling like a victim and blaming others for what’s happening in your life? If so, what does spending your time that way get you?
• If you’ve been facing your problems responsibly over time, what have you seen/learned about yourself?
• Do you believe the world is a fearful and dangerous place? Do you find yourself always being vigilant and watching our for potential danger? If so, why?
• Do you believe your inner life creates your outer life? Have you ever considered this?
• Do you know the difference between fate and destiny? If you do, or when you find out, which one more clearly defines the way you orient to your life?
• Do you feel that how you experience well be-ing is largely in the hands of others?
• How did you and your family deal with “problems” when you were growing up?

SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work

Back to Charles:
In other words, what are you doing to yourself (and then trying to shift the blame onto “them”)?

One of the videos I just released is titled Un-Kinking Karma. You can watch it on YouTube, and although it’s brief, I think you’ll like the ideas it presents because it delves into the whole idea of cause, effect and responsibility. (Not blame, mind you, responsibility.)

Remember the old proverb, “You’ve made your bed, now you’ll have to sleep in it”? Well, that’s a metaphor for your entire life. You’ve been making your bed (your life) every day with your attitudes, your thinking and your feelings. And now you’ve got to live in that life you’ve made. In fact, it’s the only life you can live in.

Don’t like the life you find yourself stuck with? For a list of people and influences that have NOT caused your problems, refer back to the top of this article, paragraph three.

Below is a list of the people and influences that HAVE caused your problems:

……… 1. You

Fact is, solving problems is not really all that difficult… as long as you’ve identified the right problem. It only seems difficult when we waste so much time and effort working on the WRONG things. Example – if I have a leaky faucet and try to solve the problem only by mopping the floor, that’s going to keep me frustrated and chasing around in circles for a very long time. It simply will not stop the leak.

I can’t tell you how many coaching clients have come to me for help with “earning more money.” Let me say this very plainly. Money is seldom the real problem – it’s only a symptom of the problem. As long as you keep desperately seeking ways to earn more money – without first repairing your leaky faucet – you’re just mopping the floor.

Same thing goes if your problems lie in relationships, health, self esteem, moods, or anything else. You gotta work on the real problem before anything can be fixed. And the main reason we waste so much effort working on the wrong problems?

Assumptions. We assume we know what the problem is, but we don’t check our “facts.”

Reality Check: if you have a problem that hasn’t responded to your long and strenuous efforts, you know one thing for sure. You’re mopping the floor. It’s time to stop, step back and do some fresh thinking. It may be time to call in a coach, or someone else with fresh eyes, to help you re-assess things.

And for heaven’s sake, stop telling yourself, “The problem is…” because in most cases, it’s not.

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles

Related Posts:

1. Daily Motivation For A Happy Life
2. Are You Living an ‘A’ Life or a ‘B’ Life?
3. Your Life’s Purpose – Do You Recall What It Is?
4. The Real Reason Your Life Sucks
5. Life’s a Patchwork Affair
6. Can You Over-Protect Yourself from Life?
7. Living a Spiritual Life
8. Interview with Russ Hamel, a Teacher of Life Skills