I’ve cut back on my postings during the Christmas and New Year season. You’re already overloaded with emails and blog posts from every direction telling you all the things you already know about the desirability of New Years resolutions, the wisdom of shaping up, trimming your weight, improving your relationships – or finding one – and just generally changing everything about your life for the better. (C’mon, are things really so bad that we must change everything?)

In the final three weeks of 2009, you probably saw about 10,177 ways to really, really make it happen in 2010… unlike all those other times.

Frankly, I’ve stayed away from that topic because it’s pretty much the exact thing I’ve been writing about all year anyway.

But when I saw the following pair of articles on how inner resolve ties in to inner peace, I couldn’t resist. This is a fresh and well thought out look at some of the reasons we may seek change. It’s about the how and why of the matter. Here, guest author Peter Vajda suggests that we…

Resolve to Achieve Inner Peace in 2010
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

For most folks, inner peace is more a concept than a reality. In fact, most of us experience our days at work, at home and often at play in some state of inner conflict, agitation, upset, stress and/or overwhelm.

Consider:

• One in four Americans feels somewhat “angry all the time” while they’re at work
• 35 percent of women have negative thoughts about their body up to five times a day
• 42 percent of workers say their job is very or extremely stressful
• 35-40 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck
• 54 percent of Americans are concerned about the level of stress in their everyday lives
• Nearly 19 million American adults suffer from depression during any one-year period
• One-quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom to discuss personal troubles

What Is Inner Peace?

Sadly, many of us are so separated from inner peace that the simple idea of inner peace sounds distant, unattainable, and impossible ­ something others can perhaps experience, “but, not me.”

The fact is, inner peace is available to everyone. Inner peace already exists in each of us, in our core; but many folks never choose to take the time to enter inside to access their core and experience the calm of inner peace.

When you have achieved inner peace, you feel relaxed, at ease, focused, clear and “quiet” even in the midst of high-pressure and stressful situations ­ the inconsiderate and rude customer service representative; the driver who cuts you off or who tailgates you; the spouse who annoys you with his/her idiosyncrasies; the outburst your boss hurled at you; the hard-drive crash, etc.

Inner peace is not about not being reactive, not getting angry, not acting out. Inner peace is about freeing yourself from the clutches of stress, from the draw of external stimuli, and living life from a place of freedom, self-control, personal power, relaxation, emotional maturity and stability, and joy – all while accessing your intuitive powers and higher consciousness so you can live life from a deeper, richer, more meaningful place – a place from which everyday stressors have no power and control over you.

Here are four resolutions you might consider if you choose to experience a greater degree of inner peace in 2010:

Be open to the idea that your Natural state of being is “at peace.”

We were born in and from a place of inner peace. It’s just that life got in the way. Our natural state of inner peace is always within us; it’s always been here, always accessible. If you allow yourself to be open to this possibility, and then take the time to consciously let go and relax into your center, your core, you will find and experience this state of who you really are.

Recognize that you can feel inner peace in every moment.

The state of inner peace does not depend on location, people, events, or circumstances. Inner peace is not a function of how stressful an event may be. It just is. Inner peace is always available, even under the most stressful or upsetting situations, regardless of where we are, what we’re doing, what time it is, or who we’re with.

Let go of the self-limiting beliefs, the negative self-images and self-sabotaging assumptions that get in the way of your experiencing a quiet mind, a peaceful heart and a relaxed body.

If you think you can or if you think you can’t – you’re right on both counts. If you feel you are lacking, deficient, or you cannot improve, cannot be happy, cannot be financially successful, cannot be in a satisfying and healthy relationship, cannot have meaningful work, etc….if this is what you think, then this is what your experience will be. Release your self-limiting thoughts and you’ll move into a place of inner peace unencumbered by the negativity that keeps you agitated, paralyzed, or unhappy.

Release your stress and anxiety.

Do the mental, emotional and physical work to release your stress and anxiety. Each time you let go of your stress and anxiety you will experience more of the mental, emotional and physical peace that is natural for you.

Letting go is a natural ability that we all have, but as we grow older forget how to use it, of if we do know, we seldom take the time and make the effort to let go. We allow ourselves to be distracted, to operate on automatic pilot and live life at 90 miles an hour ­ taking us away from experiencing quietude and inner peace.

Resolving to experience inner peace on a consistent basis in 2010 will support you to master your life, achieve your goals, connect to your higher self and live peacefully in the present, in the moment, each and every day as you journey through the New Year…at work, at home and at play. Will you choose to make this resolution?

I sincerely wish you a prosperous, healthy, meaningful and purposeful 2010.
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Back to Charles:
So that’s resolve – the ability to make a decision and follow through until it has been achieved. With strong, healthy resolve we can shape a satisfying and wonderful life in this coming year.

But as we may recognize from past experience, there’s a chance that this satisfying and wonderful year might not come into reality quite the way we envisioned it. Why? What might stop us?

In part 2, Peter helps us take a closer look at “that other side of ourselves” and shares with us…
…..

One Way We Might Subvert Resolve in 2010
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

New Year’s resolutions are on the tip of most everyone’s pen and tongue. Thousands of suggestions, “how tos,” and “best ways” are being offered to help folks make, and carry through on, their New Year’s resolutions. Sadly, as in past years, 98% of those who make resolutions will have given up or failed by Valentine’s Day.

Three major causes of failure are:
(1) most of our resolutions are “mental” ­ that is, often they are simply thoughts that are wrapped in a burst of enthusiasm that is ephemeral and short-lived, (2) our intentionality does not come from “inside” ­ from our Core Self, our heart and soul and (3) we are caught in a “victim mentality” where scapegoating runs our lives. As victims, we are so obsessed with blaming that we lack the strength to gain clarity about why we resist change or fail to follow through on our intentions.

When we understand the nature of the “victim consciousness,” we gain insight into how true and real change occurs.

The victim is rife with self-limiting and self-sabotaging habits and patterns of living, working and relating. It is these self-limiting patterns that prevent us from do-ing and be-ing from a place of integrity, responsibility, maturity, accountability, dedication, and commitment. It is our subconscious drives that cause us pain and suffering.

When we look deeply inside, honestly and self-responsibly, we uncover our shadow self – a self, feeling victimized, that lives a life of greed, ruthlessness, egocentricity, blind ambition irresponsibility, inaction, and/or self-sabotage. Choosing to reflect and become conscious of these habits, patterns and programming in an effort to release them supports us to evolve to a place where clarity and a truthful picture of our inner and outer realities will serve us well.

When we look deeply inside and reflect, we become more able to transmute the energies of our self-limiting habits and patterns into the energy of authenticity, integrity and trustworthiness – supported by our inner qualities of courage, commitment and steadfastness.

Four characteristics of a victim mentality are:

• lack of clarity about our goals: ping-ponging between and among realistic and unrealistic or illusory expectations and goals, and blaming others for our lack of clarity;
• inability to deal with time and resource limits and constraints and blaming other people and events for our inability to use time and other resources effectively and intelligently;
• confusion around the law of cause and effect – lack of awareness about how we are creating/causing the current events in our life and a lack of clarity about how we can change our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, intentions, behaviors and actions to effect positive change, believing that my issues are not about “me” but about others who are responsible for my issues; and,
• denial that my life choices have positive or negative mental, physical, emotional and spiritual effects on my overall health and well-be-ing, and that my pain and suffering are caused by some external event or circumstances.

Mired in the quicksand of victimization, we find ourselves constantly projecting our anger and negativity on to events, circumstances and others for our predicament. We project our (unconscious) inner frustration with ourselves out towards anyone or anything we feel we can blame for our state in life. Sadly, we’re actually creating our own universe but blaming others because it’s not what we want.

Taking time for honest and conscious self-reflection supports us to take responsibility for our self – including our “dark side.” Self-reflection sheds light on the “stories” we make up to avoid taking responsibility for how we project our “stuff” on to the world. Self-reflection supports us to identify how our emotional programming – anger, fears – create our lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

When we are honest and clear about our wants and needs, and what we are willing to do, we can create a solid foundation for our personal growth and development. We attract and relate with others who share the same self-empowering life view.

When we understand the lessons we need to learn from our current situation, what we need to do becomes obvious. Then we have to choose to take action. However, this understanding requires focus, commitment, consistency and compassion for our self.

Spending time in our inner world through meditation, silence, journaling, etc., is both emotionally and spiritually nourishing. This nourishment supports awareness of the “how” and “why” things appear in our lives – how we are creating our personal universe. Time in our inner world nurtures our capacity for self-love and self-kindness – which support us to create and inhabit a love-based, victim-less personal universe.

In this place of safety and protection, we begin to extricate our self from a victim mentality and move forward from a place of positivity and steadfastness. In our inner world, there can be no victimization as it’s a place of neutrality – a place of soul qualities – clarity, peacefulness, groundedness, stillness, surrender and allowing.

Self-reflecting helps us observe how we use our emotions to create our inner and outer worlds, our worlds of victimization. For example, are we being “nice” to accommodate others in our attempt to feel acknowledged, seen and loved or because we authentically wish to engage in adult, heart-felt, mature relationships – are we holding our physical, emotional and psychological boundaries with others or allowing others to threaten and abuse our boundaries so we can feel wanted and liked?

Once we have cultivated support, self-love and solid ground within, we can expand our space to include others. But we must be very conscious not to include any event, circumstance, idea, thing or person who will take us away from our center, from our self-love and move us back into feeling the victim.

When we surrender to someone else’s agenda, at work, at home, at play and in relationship, we enter their universe as a victim. The important question is why we allow others to control us. Perhaps, (1) We lack our own solid and self-confident life agenda; (2) We aren’t in touch with our heart and soul and we don’t trust ourselves; (3) We look to satisfy our wants and needs outside ourself and accommodate and compromise to be taken care of; or (4) We follow a path of least resistance in an attempt to avoid conflict and “keep the peace.” In all of these, we give away our power and become the victim.

Inner work and self-reflection, done diligently can often support us to:

1. to realize our own authority,
2. to assume responsibility for what we create and
3. to own the consequences of our choices, decisions and actions.

Inner work and self-reflection can support us to focus on what really matters, to let go of what holds us back, to trust our soul and Spirit for guidance and to use our core, inner strength (not “willpower” which hardly ever works) to take positive action for our self instead of engaging in self-destructive and self-sabotaging actions, releasing our self from the stranglehold of victimization.

Many “resolutions” are not conscious choices. They are knee-jerk reactions to something we don’t like about our self – and it’s usually about our “packaging” or some surface issue. True “resolve” requires a deep, inner, and conscious process. The start of 2010 is a wonderful opportunity to change our experience of failed “resolutions” to one of true and lasting change and transformation. We can choose to release the victim within and see what being in true control of our life is really, really like.

So, some questions for self reflection are:

1. Who or what is my guiding authority? How is this authority working for me?
2. What are my core values and how do they direct my choices and decisions at work, at home, at play and in relationship?
3. How do I choose and implement my personal standards?
4. Am I self-reliant? How so?
5. Do I ever explore the dynamics of my inner world?
6. What bright light shines in my inner world?
7. What does not shine in my inner world? Do I know why?
8. What feelings and thoughts inhabit my inner world? Are they supportive or limiting?
9. Who’s in my personal world? Are they supportive or toxic? Do I want them there? How have I attracted them into my life?
10. Did I (or others in my family) experience being a victim when I was growing up? How so? What was that like?
11. How can I create a more nurturing, loving and compassionate inner world for my body, mind and emotions?

SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work

Back to Charles:
Take a closer look at question number 2. I suspect that even folks who have spent years studying self development may not have a ready answer for that question. Do you know your values? The most basic, fundamental things that direct every choice you make?

And even for those who are sure they know their values – know the things that are most important to them – they may not recognize the level at which those values are producing results.

Example: if taking care of your family is one of your fundamental values and you’re wealthy, you’re likely to express it very differently than another person with the same values who is struggling at the bottom edge of survival.

The wealthy person might set up trust funds, while the person who’s barely staying afloat may rob gas stations. The underlying motivation may be the same, but the results in real life are wildly different.

I’m not suggesting that you’ve resorted to illegal activities – nor that you should – to be in harmony with your values. What I’m suggesting is that if you’ve made some choices in the past that produced unwelcome results, it might be the level at which you’re expressing your perfectly good and valid values. You’re not a failing type of person at the core… you’re invariably doing things for good reasons.

But there might be more productive, more satisfying ways to get where you’re trying to go.

And that’s where inner peace becomes so important. When you’re in touch with inner peace, you’re able to settle down, far below the strident, shrieking inner voices that keep you feeling frantic to “do something – anything”

Inner peace is your portal to being with your inner values at their pure, undiluted form. No layers of “need” or frantic desperation to get results now. Just a sure knowledge of who you are, without judgment, without need for explanation or excuse.

And when you begin living from that space, you can see struggle for what it is – a silly waste of energy that just gets in the way of real results.

So if you want real results in 2010, forget the resolutions – they’re mostly wishes. Instead, settle down, get quiet, and begin getting to know who you really are at the core. That’s inner peace. And it’s your birthright. Claim it now and EVERY year will be better.

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles

Related Posts:

1. Resolutions Fizzle? Try New Year’s Realizations
2. Resolutions on a Shorter Runway
3. 2009 – My ‘Yes Man’ Year
4. So You Think 2012 Is a New Year?
5. Achieve Your Goals – 7 Ways To Kick Your Goals Into Gear Now!