True Colors – On the Lookout for Gold
Maybe you’ve seen kids growing up in the same family, and yet, despite having virtually identical influences, they’re as different as chalk and cheese. This is so common it shouldn’t even surprise us any more, and yet I still hear folks remarking on it. Somehow such folks seem to expect kids to be cookie-cuttered out into identical, clone-like products.
At the same time, nobody is surprised if there’s great variation among puppies in a litter. We just naturally expect some of them to be more spirited, some more playful, some more aggressive. And there’s usually a quiet, low-energy runt of the litter, too.
Likewise, some horses are born with great heart and competitive spirit, while others are easy-going and gentle, and yet others may have mean or fractious natures. So yes, we accept all this about animals.
But sometimes it feels like a bit of a taboo to suggest the same thing about humans – that they’re born already equipped with a basic, inborn nature. I guess we still like to pretend that every person is a totally innocent, blank sheet of pure white paper upon which each passerby writes for the better or the worse. Well, I don’t buy that.
The influence of environment is not destiny. Not every child born in the ghetto turns to crime, and not every child born in privilege rises to fame and good fortune. Not by a long shot.
So different personality types exist, whether it’s politically correct to say so or not. And one of the most interesting (and challenging) types in the “True Colors” system is the so-called “Gold” type. This week, guest author Russ Hamel shares with us his own experiences with…
A Tale of Two Dads
By Russ Hamel
Like Night and Day
Two men could not be more different than Maggie’s first husband compared to her later common-law relationship. ‘Mr. JT,’ as we affectionately refer to my older step-daughter Suvin’s dad, is a true Gold. On the other hand, Ambrosia’s dad, ‘Mr. CT’ is an Orange.
Today we will be talking about the Gold personality type. For this article, you can assume that whatever characteristics the Gold person displays, the Orange type will be the exact opposite. The next article in this series will zoom in on the Orange persona.
Mr. JT Really IS Good As Gold
Suvin is extremely fortunate to have two loving families. Maggie is the custodial parent for now, although that will change when Suvin goes to high school next year. At that time she will move in with her dad and step-mom. She’ll visit us on weekends – just the reverse of our current access arrangements.
As a dad, there is probably no one on the planet who cares more about his kid than Mr. JT. He embodies the best of the Gold characteristics.
Golds love to plan and are always prepared ahead of time. Maggie and I are hoping that some of Mr. JT’s influence will rub off on Suvin when she goes to live with him full-time next year. All of our own efforts have made very little, if any progress in getting Suvin to stay organized and on time.
To his credit, Mr. JT is a man of his word. When he says he is going to do something or be someplace at a particular time, you can take it to the bank. Golds have a very strong sense of duty.
Details are what Golds do best. I recall a scene in the park a few years ago when Mr. JT was trying to teach Ambrosia how to pedal her bike. It was comical, yet painful to watch all at the same time. He adjusted every part of Ambrosia’s body position, “NO, turn your foot THIS WAY… Keep your wrist UP on the handle bar… sit with your back straight…” I don’t remember if the kid actually ever moved on that bike. It was a technique lesson on how to sit.
Of course, this trait serves Mr. JT well in his job as a home-theatre installer. The guy knows his equipment inside and out. He over-delivers for his customers, making sure the picture and sound are to his own exacting standards. The guy is a perfectionist!
Traditional family values rank high on Gold’s priorities. Suvin tells us that she speaks mainly Chinese in her dad’s home. Maggie has already informed her of the very real possibility that her dad will keep her schedule packed with extra-curricular ‘learning opportunities’. As in many traditional Chinese homes, children don’t have regular chores and responsibilities as they ‘waste time’ that could be better spent on studying and achieving.
Conservative and stable, Golds are typically workaholics themselves, always slaving and saving for ‘someday’ which of course never comes. Again, taking a break would be considered such a waste. On the good side, when it comes time to make large purchases and investments, Golds are well prepared. When Suvin needed braces two years ago, Mr. JT went to the orthodontist to negotiate the best deal for his share of the costs. He paid cash!
Structure, rules and policies are necessary for Golds. They need them in order to function in an often chaotic world. And God help the person who doesn’t follow procedures to the letter, especially if it’s their own! A Gold will hold everyone to their own set standards, or else!
The Midas Touch – Too Much of a Good Thing
So far Mr. JT sounds like the perfect family man – hard working, diligent, a man of his word. But like everything else in life, there can be too much of a good thing.
In Maggie’s case, she found Mr. JT’s style to be extremely rigid and stifling. Because he is a workaholic, he expects everyone else around him to be busy and productive 24/7. Downtime to stop and smell the roses simply isn’t allowed with many Golds.
Mr. JT could be extremely bossy. Whatever Maggie did, she found herself being coached and corrected. Vacuuming had to be done a certain way. Laundry had to be done a certain way. Mr. JT’s food had to be presented a certain way – not too much, not too little, not too hot, not too cold… he was forever looking over Maggie’s shoulder, always ready with a comment or critique.
Maggie’s English was better than Mr. JT’s so she would often make phone calls on his behalf. He would listen and then correct and/or berate her for having said/not said something to his satisfaction.
In a word, Mr. JT eventually became very boring to Maggie. He did not know how to relax and have fun. Spontaneity is nowhere to be found in Gold’s vocabulary.
Mr. JT can be extremely uptight. He worries about EVERYTHING to the point of being intrusive on our family life. One of the first years Maggie and I were together, Mr. JT called constantly “to make sure his daughter was OK”. Now, it’s one thing to chat every evening with your daughter because you have a great connection… it’s quite another to pry into another family’s private life to see what they are doing!
When Suvin went to visit her dad on weekends, he would ply her with all kinds of questions about what I did, what did I make her call me (he was paranoid that his daughter would think of me as ‘dad’). He would create all kinds of stories in an attempt to build up his image (Mommy doesn’t love you as much as I do) while tearing Maggie and I down. Suvin would often come home afraid and confused. Today she knows better.
Now that Suvin is older, she can access her dad by herself. Maggie and I no longer have to have a face-to-face confrontation with Mr. JT every week. That has made all the difference in the world.
What About the Other Guy?
As I mentioned, whatever good qualities Mr. JT has, you can mark down the exact opposite traits for the little one’s dad. We will get to visit him up and close and personal when we take up the color Orange in our next installment.
Until then, I hope you are starting to observe people in a whole new and fun way. The True Colors system is stunningly accurate. Understanding what makes people tick helps you to make better decisions in how you relate with them.
All the best from Toronto,
Russ and Maggie
The world can seem like a crazy place sometimes… OK, a LOT of the time! However, no matter what is going on in your life, magic happens when you learn how to choose better feelings now!
You’re Gonna Love That Feeling
Back to Charles:
If there’s a job that needs to get done, put a Gold in charge. They’ll make sure it gets done, on time and under budget. But of course, you may see a high employee turnover at first.
If your boss is a Gold, unless you’re a compulsive detail person yourself, their constant micromanaging can drive you up the wall. And worse, if too much structure makes your flesh crawl, you’re going to be exposed to structure, whether you like it or not.
You may occasionally have to fight for the right to make your own decisions, but a Gold, once he or she makes a promise, will probably never double-cross you nor change the deal on you.
As with every personality type, when dealing with Golds, you’ll have many opportunities to learn, grow and expand your interpersonal skills. What’s especially good about Golds is that they’re predictable. You can always guess approximately what they’ll do, and be ready with your own plan, counter-offer or negotiating tactic well prepared beforehand.
See? Dealing with a Gold automatically gives you the chance to pick up some of their traits and expand your own personality with useful new skills from them. This is personal growth at its very best.
Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles
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