How satisfied are you with your life? On a scale of one to ten, do you generally hover around the top end of the scale, at ten or so, or are you about midrange – say, four to six on most days?

Or… maybe you feel somehow stuck at the bottom end of the scale and don’t know how to get out of the self-esteem basement.

Much of our self-worth derives from what we’re doing with our time and our life. If we feel that the things we’re doing are significant and meaningful, our self esteem goes up. And vice-versa.

So how do we uncover the unsatisfying areas in our life? Short answer – we go prospecting. Today’s guest author Peter Vajda gives us a valuable guide for finding…

Your Value; Your Worth
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.

“Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and a person can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul.”
- James Allen, As A Man Thinketh

In the classic book Acres of Diamonds, Russell Conwell tells about a person who sold his home and land to travel far and wide in search of diamonds — only to die penniless. In the story, the new owner of this man’s land discovered diamonds on the very property that the former owner had ignored.

In my coaching work, I’m often struck, initially, when I come across folks who act as the farmer did whenever they try to “fix” something in their lives — at work, at home, at play or in relationship.

Whether they are seeking happiness, peace of mind, or a greater sense of self-worth, self-esteem, inner security or love, many of these folks spend an inordinate amount of time, and emotional and psychic energy, looking “outside” themselves for the “quick fix” — that person, place or object that will bring them happiness.

Looking in All the Wrong Places

These folks look to their spouse, their partner, their co-workers, their friends, children, parents, or to “objects” (such as a new, expensive car, boat, home, pet, clothes, food, alcohol, sugar, plasma TV, gambling, the country club membership, etc.) to fill the “hole”, the void, to soothe their inner feeling of deficiency, of feeling “not enough”.

Many of these folks become workaholics or became obsessed with activities such as exercise, shopping, or “going out,” continually hoping that in the activity, poof!, the “answer” will appear. Sadly, and fortunately, they come to understand nothing “outside” can or will ever satisfy their “hunger” for inner peace, well-being, or a feeling of value or worth.

Like the poor farmer in Acres of Diamonds, their search comes up empty-handed and they continue to sleepwalk though life, at work, at home, even at play, with a sense of emptiness, often experiencing a low-grade-fever-type of agitation and frustration. They continually experience anger, sadness, depression (anger turned within), emptiness — feeling isolated from life and from themselves.

And just like the story, diamonds are waiting to be discovered right in their own back yard. The reality is that the only way to find the gold and diamonds is to “dig deep into the mine of the soul.” To go “inside” and stay there for a time; in one’s own company, and explore.

One of my most favorite authors, Jim Rohn, says,
“The greatest source of unhappiness comes from inside.” Conversely, that’s also where the greatest (and only) source of happiness comes from.”

Instead of searching far and wide, perhaps spend some time every day exploring inside. Instead of expecting something outside to fill you up, learn to fill yourself from within. Make a commitment to read more of the material that will help you discover who you are. Make a commitment to journal some every day to explore your self and your life — what’s working and what’s not in this adventure of yours called life? What would you like to be different? What would different look like? How might you move in that direction? Not from a self-critical or judgmental perspective, but from a place of curiosity, self-love and compassion.

A steady diet of books on business, leadership, supervising and managing is fine; but like any diet, there needs to be variety. Make a decision to grow your Self, over and above your role and position.

So, our Food-for-Thought questions are:

• Do you take time to grow yourself, over and above work, on a consistent basis?
• Do to take time for meditation, reflection, contemplation, journaling, or walking in nature?
• Do you find yourself constantly searching for happiness “out there?”
• Do you read for self-improvement, self-growth and self-development outside of your “business-related” readings?
• Do you ever feel empty inside, lacking in some way, feeling deficient in well-be-ing and inner peace?
• Are you comfortable being alone in your own company for extended periods of time?
• Do you find silence to be soothing or to be deafening?
• Do you really, really, really know yourself? How does that question make you feel?
• Are you resistant when it comes to exploring and discovering who you are “inside”?
• Do you like yourself?
• If you were broke, would you still have value and worth?
• Can you list 10 qualities, skills, or competencies that reflect your value or worth?
• Do you identify your self-worth by your net worth?

SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work

When we go mining for gold, we don’t expect to strike it rich on day one. We understand that, even if we should find gold on the first day, there will be much, much more to uncover and that we should just keep right on digging.

Our inner riches are exactly the same. The more we dig the more we’ll find, so we go forward, learning more and more about ourselves, growing more content, coming to like and appreciate ourselves more every day.

This is the kind of job that’s best done steadily, day by day by day. A fitful, start-and-stop approach to self discovery can lead to a life of exhilerating highs (alternating with desperately depressing lows). A stable sense of self worth, without the drastic ups and downs, is usually a direct result of a steady, stable approach to living.

If you do a little exploring within yourself and find that you’re still addicted to wild, dramatic swings in mood, conditions and circumstances, it might be time to start imagining what life would be like without all the disappointments and fear.

So… maybe you’ve always believed that a life free of drama would be boring? Hah! Not on your life!

Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles