Awakening – In the Land of the Lost
Sometimes, it almost seems we have a fetish about certainty. We have this burning compulsion to always know, always understand, always be sure about everything… and if we hit a patch of uncertainty, we quickly start feeling like some kind of bumbling loser.
But stop and think with me for a moment. How can we ever learn anything more if we’re filled to the brim with being sure – with the belief that we have a really firm handle on it all?
Don’t explorers discover new lands only after they step off the known map? And don’t researchers uncover new knowledge only by going where science says ‘I don’t know’?
And what about you? Haven’t you always made your most useful discoveries about yourself and others only after the things you “know” prove either inadequate or misleading?
Today’s guest columnist Peter Vajda suggests that, to expand our mastery of life, it might actually make sense to do the illogical thing and…
Get Lost!
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.
No, not the “get away from me!” notion; but the notion that being lost in life can be beneficial.
In the midst of the political, financial, environmental, and workplace uncertainty, upheaval and upset many folks seem to be experiencing these days, it’s not surprising so many feel a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Worry has replaced wonder; anxiety has replaced exhilaration.
There’s a story of a man on a galloping horse who passes another. The bystander yells, “Where are you going?” to which the rider responds, “I have no idea; ask my horse.”
Mired in a sea of uncertainty, confusion and overwhelm, we turn to others for help. Experts who come in various shapes and forms, espousing varied hypotheses and theories, can’t agree. No one seems to know what will happen, really happen, a year, or two, or three or more down the road.
When we orient to our world from a place of fear, our orienting response takes the form of flight, fight, or freeze – we run away from our problems and challenges, we fight, often unsuccessfully, to reduce or eliminate our challenges or problems; or we stand still like a deer in the headlights, paralyzed and perplexed. More than a few are dazed and despairing.
The fact is, our problems and challenges have much to teach us about ourselves. Even deep-seated trauma has a message – if we choose to stop, explore, inquire and ask for the teaching. That’s a huge “if.”
Encased in fear, malaise and uncertainly, we have two choices:
- do nothing, wring our hands and hope that someone or something will take care of us and wait, or
- ask why such events are “happening FOR me” and seek the teachings/learning that comes from honestly, sincerely, and self-responsibly confronting the issues standing before us. There can be no light without darkness.
If we choose, getting lost allows us to open the door to the darkness, the unknown, and seek answers, guidance and intuitive responses to our questions. After all, we came here from the darkness and one day we’ll return to the darkness. So, why not now?
Our ego’s deep need for control is what keeps us fearful and afraid. We can choose to bypass our ego, our conditioned mind, and move towards the uncertainty which is where we find answers, the real answers to our challenges and dilemmas. The unknown does not have to be scary. Only if we choose to make it so.
One of the benefits of welcoming and embracing the unknown is that the experience takes us out of our own rigid box and supports us to change and transform. Clarity and insight often come from confusion, if we get out of our own way and remain open to the journey of discovery.
In these dark days of gloom, fear, upset and discomfort, we can resolve, if we choose, to embrace the mystery, to surrender to uncertainty, and be open to not knowing from a place of curiosity, excitement, and openness, rather than cringe from a place of anger, terror, angst, hate or vengeance.
There is beauty in the dark. There is a certainty, balance and coherence in the unknown and there is a wealth of strength, courage and steadfastness in our own soul that supports our growth and development by seeking what we don’t know, if we choose. This is the essence of true change and transformation – moving consciously through our insecurities.
Getting lost is what allows us to see the truth not only of our self, but of our relationship to our work, our world, and to others.
Endings are always another beginning; darkness never exists without light.
Where is your horse taking you?
So, some questions for self-reflection are:
- How are currents events affecting you – financially, emotionally, mentally, psychologically and spiritually?
- Every cloud has a silver lining; every silver lining has a cloud. Which is your orientation to life and living? Why?
- How do you commonly react to being/feeling “lost” or experiencing uncertainty?
- Are you generally a fearful person? If so, why do you think that is?
- Are you one who always needs to have all the answers?
- Would others describe you as a controlling person?
- Do you ever lose yourself? What is that like for you?
- At the top of a roller coaster, you can scream with excitement or scream with fear. Which would you do? Why?
- What was “being lost” like for you, your parents, or your family when you were growing up?
SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
www.spiritheart.net and www.ahchiyo.com
“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work
Back to Charles:
How willing would you be to embrace uncertainty, if the payoff is a more solid footing? And if you can end up knowing yourself better, what is that brief walk through confusion worth to you?
Life sometimes really is a puzzle, where we must go through the “wrong” door to get where we want to end up. Perhaps the main reason for this is that where we want to go is not a set place… it’s a condition, a process, a feeling.
In other words, what we’re seeking (whether we realize it or not) may not be a static motionless state. Instead, we may be hungering for a moving, dynamic process within our Self, an unfolding of awareness that is continually growing and expanding and embracing the unknown so that we may come to know it.
I invite you, therefore, to leave behind all that you’re sure of and, like the research scientist, step out into the realm of ‘I don’t know’. This is where – against all logic – you’re most likely to discover greater and still greater portions of yourself.
Does this make sense? If so, I’ve done a piss-poor job of explaining it.
Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles
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