Reframing Reality – Putting Meaning to Chaos
When I was young, I instinctively sensed that “reality” was not what it seemed, and I hated it. I could find no meaning that would remain stable long enough for me to depend on it, to believe in it. No sooner would I latch onto this opinion or that “truth” as correct, than cracks in that truth would begin appearing, crazing slowly across the face of each newly adopted belief system. And I was too young, too inexperienced to think of making up my own meanings.
To my lurching mind, it appeared that anything could be true, and compounding that confusing thought, I found that I could not hold my mind immobile (not still, but immobile) enough to stop noticing all the contradictions, fallacies or exceptions that seemed inherent in… well… everything.
I recall one day scrawling on the wall of a darkroom lab where I worked at the time:
……….There is no logic
……….No sense nor reason
……….The monkey is wise
Oddly, although I had no idea what they meant, those three lines felt solid in my mind. I found more certainty in that bit of nonsense than in most of what I’d seen, read and heard from all the experts. It wasn’t till years later that I began sensing what my inner mind had been trying to tell me.
At that time it was common to hear the words existentialism and nihilism tossed about, and I was aware that they seemed to involve some lack of meaningfulness in what we called reality. But that was all so damnably depressing. It seemed to be a given that where no meaning existed, there was also no hope, no reason for living, no joy.
I was already depressed enough without all that, so no thanks.
Eventually I found my way through my Slough of Despond (to borrow a phrase from John Bunyan). On the far side of that swampy, hopeless mire, I found sunshine, joy and – best of all – a meaning that I could live with. Where did I find them? We’ll come to that in a moment, but first, I’d like to share with you a note sent to me this morning by friend and frequent contributor Peter Vajda. He writes:
Sharing a Thought on Meaning
By Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C.
As I was reflecting on topics for this week’s food-for-thought piece, I came across a book of poetry by the Zen Master Ikkyu (1400s). This one resonated with me deeply and I thought I might share it with you.
Skeletons
One night… a pitiful-looking skeleton appeared and said these words:
……….A melancholy autumn wind
……….Blows through the world;
……….The pampas grass waves,
……….As we drift to the moor,
……….Drift to the sea.
……….What can be done
……….With the mind of a man
……….That should be clear
……….But though he is dressed up in a monk’s robe,
……….Just lets life pass him by?
Toward dawn I dozed off, and in my dream I found myself surrounded by a group of skeletons… One skeleton came over to me and said:
……….Memories
……….Flee and
……….Are no more.
……….All are empty dreams
……….Devoid of meaning.
……….Violate the reality of things
……….And babble about
……….“God” and “the Buddha”
……….And you will never find
……….the true Way.
I liked this skeleton… He saw things clearly, just as they are. I lay there with the wind in the pines whispering in my ears and the autumn moonlight dancing across my face.
What is not a dream? Who will not end up as a skeleton? We appear as skeletons covered with skin — male and female — and lust after each other. When the breath expires, though, the skin ruptures, sex disappears, and there is no more high or low. Underneath the skin of the person we fondle and caress right now is nothing more than a set of bare bones. Think about it — high and low, young and old, male and female, all are the same. Awaken to this one great matter and you will immediately comprehend the meaning of “unborn and undying.”
……….If chunks of rock
……….Can serve as a memento
……….To the dead,
……….A better headstone
……….Would be a simple tea-mortar.
……….Humans are indeed frightful beings.
……….A single moon
……….Bright and clear
……….In an unclouded sky;
……….Yet still we stumble
……….In the world’s darkness.
Have a good look — stop the breath, peel off the skin, and everybody ends up looking the same. No matter how long you live the result is not altered [even for emperors]. Cast off the notion that “I exist.” Entrust yourself to the wind-blown clouds, and do not wish to live for ever.
……….This world
……….Is but
……….A fleeting dream
……….So why by alarmed
……….At its evanescence?
……….The vagaries of life,
……….Though painful
……….Teach us
……….Not to cling
……….To this floating world.
……….Why do people
……….Lavish decorations
……….On this set of bones
……….Destined to disappear
……….Without a trace?
……….No one really knows
……….The nature of birth
……….Nor the true dwelling place.
……….We return to the source
……….And turn to dust.
……….Many paths lead from the foot of the mountain,
……….But at the peak
……….We all gaze at the
……….Single bright moon.
……….If at the end of our journey
……….There is no final
……….Resting place,
……….Then we need not fear
……….Losing our Way.
……….No beginning,
……….No end.
……….Our mind
……….is born and dies:
……….The emptiness of emptiness!
……….Rain, hail, snow and ice:
……….All are different,
……….But when they fall
……….They become the same water
……….As the valley stream.
……….The ways of proclaiming
……….The Mind vary,
……….But the same heavenly truth
……….Can be seen
……….In each and every one.
……….Cover your path
……….With the fallen pine needles
……….So no one will be able
……….To locate your
……….True dwelling place.
SpiritHeart – Coaching for Essential Well-BE-ing
— at the intersection of body, mind, emotion and spirit
Values-Based Coaching, Counseling and Training
Phone: 770.804.9125 (Atlanta, GA, USA)
E-mail: pvajda [AT] spiritheart [DOT] net
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“What makes you think work and meditation are two different things?”
— Buddha at Work
Back to Charles:
….. Now, I’m not usually one for poetry. I tend to like writers who just come right out and say what the heck they mean, rather than burying their intent beneath obscure images, symbols and metaphors.
And yet… once in a while… something comes along that actually speaks powerfully to me despite its veils. This poem does exactly that. it’s a gentle slap in the face to anyone who seeks meaning – whether within themselves or out there. It’s a reminder that no meaning can ever be found. It can only be originated – assigned by ourselves at this moving point of a moment.
It appears that meaning is not and never will be a set “thing.” It’s only available as a dynamic, instant-by-instant experience. So if your life has been lacking in meaning, cheer up. It’s well within reach. All we need to do is assign our own meanings to each of our experiences.
And this leads me to the concept of reframing. In Neuro Linguistic Programming, we learn that we can back up, take another look at the issues causing us pain, and choose to assign new meanings to those situations.
The wife who is a compulsive vacuumer frets over all the footprints her family leaves in her carpets. She’s constantly re-vacuuming to clear away the imperfections in her perfectly kept carpets.
But when a therapist pointed out that the reason she’s so vigilant about vacuuming is because she’s trying to keep a clean and perfect home for the family she loves. Then he suggested that those footprints represent the presence of the very people she is taking care of. In fact, those footprints are a sign of how much they trust and depend on her. A sign that they are there with her and love her too.
That little shift in perception, just one small adjustment in the meaning of footprints, freed her to relax and stop obsessing over the condition of her carpets. Instead, she became more aware of her family as a positive presence rather than a negative one.
Reframing. Assigning new meanings to the circumstances of life.
When Victor Frankl was dragged away to a Nazi death camp, he never suspected that it would motivate him to one day write “Man’s Search for Meaning,” a classic in literature. I highly recommend reading it. His body was imprisoned within unthinkably brutal, dehumanizing conditions. And yet, he not only found a personal meaning for the experience, he found a life’s purpose as well.
While thousands of the prisoners around him were giving up and choosing to die, Frankl deliberately selected a different meaning and assigned it to the experiences through which he was passing. He wrote that about three-fourths of the prisoners could find no reason to live. He said you could see it in their eyes. Meanwhile, the other one-fourth reached within themselves and created their own reason for living – assigned a meaning that would carry them forward and through to the other side of that impossible place and time. They reframed the death camp experience and created within themselves the power to live on through anything.
Here are a few Frankl quotes:
A human being is a deciding being.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.
Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.
Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.
Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.
The last of human freedoms – the ability to chose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.
When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.
Now, I’m not much of a philosopher. I’d much rather live than sit around thinking about living. But setting aside for the moment my usual avoidance of philosophy, here’s a brief definition of existential themes, as quoted from the Morehead University website:
Prominent Themes in Existential Literature
- Life is suffering.
- Life is not fair.
- Individuals are alienated from themselves by the highly complex, sophisticated, technological, bureaucratic world in which they live.
- Individual alienation, the loss of a sense of identity, is perpetuated by the labels and categories we use to describe people.
- Individuals are free to choose how they will respond to the painful existence in which they find themselves.
- Because they are free, individuals are also responsible for their own actions.
- Reality is not objectively knowable. All knowledge is subjective.
- Knowledge that is presumed to be objective and factual is actually of minimal value because it is superficial. (Science is not all it’s cracked up to be.)
- Knowledge that is recognized as subjective is the most valuable, because it consists of internalized, integrated, self-initiated meanings. It is not merely cognitive, but is also affective.
- The knowledge we attain subjectively may not lend itself to logical, propositional statement. It may be best expressed through metaphors.
- Existentialists are more interested in living than in knowing (in a narrow cognitive sense).
Oh, and if you’re curious about the oft-bandied term “nihilism,” here’s a cheerful little quote from another somewhat scholarly source:
Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.
Pretty depressing, isn’t it? What appears to be missing from these systems is the sense of personal power that would enable us to create the meaning that so many people are missing.
Let me put it this way: meaning – indeed reality itself – is a DIY project. It’s your job to live your life, including choosing whatever you want it to mean.
Fortunately, it’s not hard to do. Only keep this in mind: the point is not any end result you might produce, but rather the journey of getting yourself there.
So today, don’t tell me about where you’re going. Instead, answer me this: are you having fun and feeling good about yourself along the way?
And how are you reframing reality to make that happen in an enjoyable way?
Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles
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